Alone

So, most of the people in the company that I'm temping for are away at some big meeting today. Most of the rest of the people are either in the other office (two floors down) or away elsewhere. For most of today, it's been just me and TempBoss....but an hour or so ago, he went home to work from there....so now it's just me. These people are very trusting. Fortunately someone showed me how to have the door lock behind me a few days ago.

Oh, and yesterday TempBoss asked me how much I'd make if I were to get a "real" job since they've discovered how useful it would be to have "someone like [me]" here.

My brain is slightly less fluffy today, but it's still hard to do the one very boring task someone left for me.

It's also hard knowing that ABC hates me and is showing this by showing the last episodes of Alias on Wednesday nights when I can't watch them. Bah.

The Limit as Time Approaches Infinity of Leia Temping

So I think I've discovered the limit of my ability to handle temping. It's approximately one month. It was torture to get out of bed this morning and come in, and it's been like pulling teeth to get myself to do the work that I actually have to do.

I'm pretty sure that my TempBoss just isn't going to hire anyone until I find a "real" job because he likes me so much....so it's not like there's even any hope of the work changing any time soon. My database is still growing....I'm still filing things....I'm fiddling with Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations....and my brain is slowly turning into mush.

Maybe the nice spring weather outside isn't helping....although going outside isn't what I'm craving right now....I literally begged the other night to be the scorekeeper in our card game, just so I could do some math. I don't know why, but math always settles me.

I remember a time in Baghdad when some of my army friends were literally within hours of going home when some heavy fighting broke out in their area. Not only was I pretty sure that my friends were in the thick of things on the US side (and that it would delay their return home), I was also pretty sure that I had probably interacted with (and might have known) some of the folks on the other side in my travels as well (this was a poorer part of town in which we'd given out food and water at various times). As I sat in someone's living room waiting for a meeting to start, I happened across their teenaged son's Algebra book. I opened it up and started doing Algebra. It was very calming. Math is just so......sure....and constant. I mean, sure there are times when there is more than one "right" answer, and things can get pretty crazy if you're talking hard-core math like math grad students do.....but when you're just talking about your standard Algebra, Trig, Gemoetry, Calc, DiffEq.....well....1+1 will always equal 2. That's very nice.

I don't know what that has to do with my brain being fried from temping. Maybe math is just my "happy place."

Draw your own religious parallels here. My brain is too mushy.

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie..... (read your Winnie the Pooh and you'll know what I'm singing)

The Secret is Out

So, it's not like I was trying to keep it quiet or anything, but I was doing my standard "I'll only tell you what my major was if you ask me specifically," so that I could avoid the "wow, you must be really smart" kinds of comments and glazed-over eyes. I did that a lot in college at social gatherings (that weren't initiated by my geek friends), and a whole lot after college as a youth chaperone at my church, but I guess I've been somewhat insulated since then. It helped that I was either working at church (where it wasn't amazing anymore) or going to class (where everyone was a "rocket scientist) or staying home (where the cat really doesn't care one way or the other as long as I feed, water, and pet her and occasionally clean out her litter).

Well....now everyone at my TempOffice knows, and those that hadn't been in the lunch room when it was discussed previously are now being told by those who were, to the point that when they walk by, certain people ask the other people if they knew that I'm a) a rocket scientist, and b) that I own land on the Moon (oh, go buy your own, you know you think it's cool). It's been the primary topic of conversation for the past couple of days.

While I've always thought it was cool to be a "rocket scientist"....I also take offense at the kind of "circus freak" mentality that seems to surround us. Now, the people at my TempOffice are smart people. They play with VERY large amounts of money (and take home very large amounts of money). They do things with money and the stock market and futures and stuff like that that I couldn't even fathom. But they still look at me like I'm a freak.

Granted, part of it is that you don't expect anyone with an MS in anything to be the TempReceptionist/Executive Assistant at your office, and especially a "rocket scientist," but still......I am not an animal! :) I don't have horns or a tail or any other physical feature that makes me significantly different from other people. I have relatively normal social skills. I have relatively normal interests (yes I do.....shut up!). I just happen to also have different degrees than most other people.

But guess what? So does everyone else!

Rocket scientists are people too!

Interesting Concept

I just received an email forward from one of my friends who always forwards everything she gets to everyone she knows. Usually, I read them and delete them, but this one included an interesting concept (in addition to the standard "look what we can do" portion).

Gas prices are going up this summer. We've all heard it, we all dread it, and there's very little we can do to reduce the amount of gas we need (without paying out the wazoo in lack of convenience). So, this particular forward suggests that everyone stop buying anything affiliated with one gas brand in particular. You can continue to buy from other sellers (and thereby continue on your merry way), but if no one buys from this one company, then they will be forced to reduce their prices (theoretically). Once their prices start to drop, theoretically, the others will follow suit. We're supposed to continue with this boycott until the prices are back around $1.30.

My issues with the idea are the following:

1. It seems to choose one company as the "losing" company without any particular reason behind it. I mean, if the originator chose this oil company because of unfair practices or pollution or whatever, then it would make a little sense, but the company was chosen, seemingly at random (at least, they didn't share their reasoning).
2. While I'm not a big fan of the prices now, and while I'm sure the oil companies could take losses for several years without really feeling it, the price of a barrel of oil has almost doubled in the past year or so...the prices have done approximately the same. Gas prices have not quadrupled while oil has only doubled. They are passing on to their consumers an increase in price which is mostly proportional to the increase in their costs. So, while I don't like paying almost $3/gallon, I don't think it's "unfair," per se....I think it's capitalism....and I'm not really one to knock that.

But it's still an interesting idea. So, if you'd like to participate, then boycott all Exxon/Mobil products until gas prices reach $1.30 (or whatever is acceptable to you). This doesn't really affect me one way or the other since VNB and I have Shell gas cards which give us a discount if we buy from Shell (so we buy from them pretty exclusively)....but maybe it does you. And it's an interesting concept.

Shorn Sheep

So I did something last night that has been a long time coming. That's right, folks....I cut my hair. Well, actually, some woman in Columbia Mall cut my hair, but that's just semantics. She cut off probably a good foot prior to the actual cut/style, so I've got another long swag of hair to go into my collection. One of these days I'll actually have enough to make a thick wig, but I think it'll take a few more croppings before that could happen. She did a really nice job and was very sweet about making sure of what I wanted before doing any cutting. It ended up as a very nice slightly shorter version of the famed "Jennifer Aniston" 'do. My main comment at this time is that it's very bouncy.

And for those of you who knew the "story" behind my hair....well....that's a lesson I think I've learned (so I don't need the constant reminder anymore) and really, my hair was just in pretty bad shape. In order for it to be really healthy, I would have needed to cut 6-8 inches off of it anyway, so this really isn't that much more. And this way, the next time it grows out, it'll be all nice and healthy again! :)

Why now, you ask....well...VNB's been curious about what I'd look like with short hair....and we're finally past all wedding-related parties, so I don't need long hair anymore for a wedding up-do.

Anyway, just thought I'd share about my new 'do. So far it's been a hit. All the ladies (except one) and one guy in my TempOffice have commented positively, and VNB absolutely loves it (which is really all that matters...well, other than my own opinion, but I haven't been able to get much past "mmmm....bouncy" yet).

Hopefully it won't be too much of a distraction (to me or anyone else) on Sunday morning when I do some last minute fill-in singing.

mmm....bouncy..... :)

Coding

So when I was in like the 3rd grade, the coolest thing in the world was this little turle called "Logo." He stayed still unless you told him to move, then moved in a straight line until you told him to turn. Using simple commands, it was possible to have Logo "draw" Spirograph kinds of pictures on a computer screen. Logo was one of my first loves (after Buck Rogers, of course - he still kicks butt).

At some point in time, my parents when to one of those "resort" presentations where they give you free stuff if you'll sit through their 90-minute schpeil. One of their free gifts was an Aquarius "computer." It was basically a keyboard that you hooked up to your TV. You could type in an entire program, then say "run" and the program would run. Basically it was Logo on very weak steroids. That was cool too. I tried all of their sample programs several times over, even the one that was for "Concentric Circles" that never worked. That one was several pages of text. And that was really cool to me.

When I was in middle school, one of our art projects was to create a picture by commanding the pixels on the computer screen to change to a certain color. That was the coolest art project I ever remember doing (actually, it's the only art project I actually remember doing). Aside - Why is it that I remember all of our Home Ec. projects, but only that one art project? Anyway...

In high school, I went to a month-long science summer camp (what? it was cool!) and "learned" a semester of college-level FORTRAN during that month. I don't remember what the programs were that we wrote, but I do remember that there was a guy there with my same initials (everything coming out of the VAX machines we were working on started with a big page of your initials and last four digits of your SSN so that you'd know who's was who's) and the joy of getting a program to do what you wanted it to do.

But somehow, by the time I got into college, I knew I didn't want to code. Word processing was fine (even back in the day when there was no GUI associated with WordPerfect - I amazed my dad with my WP skills in high school). Maybe it was because my family didn't get a computer until I was away at college (and then it was a Mac - at my suggestion, but still a Mac - which wasn't exactly known for the average coder's use at that time). I didn't get my own computer until several years after I finished college. Maybe I would have been more into it had I had more access to computers as a child.

I got through all the Mathematica and Matlab stuff I had to do in college, but I cringed all the way through those assignments (and relied heavily on my friends and classmates).

So why is it that in my spare time one Christmas break, I taught myself "C?" I still haven't figured that out. I think I was just very bored at work (this was during college).

Maybe that's the key because, being very bored at work today, I'm teaching myself Visual Basic. I figure that once I'm gone, the actual Executive Assistant will need to keep using this contact database that I've developed, so I should put in nice things like search and data entry forms. So I'm figuring out how to do that. Might as well learn something useful while I'm here, huh?

I'm Flattered?

So TempBoss (who is back today, thankfully) just said, "Are you sure you don't want to be an Executive Assistant full time? You're so good!"

I think the "deer in the headlights" look that I gave back to him wigged him out a little. There are people in this world who would absolutely love this job, and more power to them - we couldn't get along without them. I may be able to do it well, but I am very certainly not one of those people.

I mean, the lunches are nice and all.....but my brain turns to mush daily......my stomach drops just thinking of it.

So, thank you to the people of the world who like doing things that I don't like to do. You keep the world running. I'm flattered that I could be counted among your ranks.....but this job is so very much not for me.....

Unless they paid me like $1,000,000/year. Then I might be able to handle the mental mush.

Bored, nothing to do...

So the guy I'm temping for told me on Monday that he was going to NY yesterday. He had to leave early to go to a dinner, but then he was going to come back to sort some files that he wanted me to make a spreadsheet of (the files were companies that he wanted sorted into three different types, then he wanted each company listed with its stock ticker symbol). Well...he didn't sort them and wasn't here yesterday and I had nothing else to do, so I started on sorting and cataloging them myself. Well....he wasn't here again today, so I finished up that project (and a few other little things that other people asked me to do)....and here I am, 25 minutes to go, and absolutely nothing left to do.

I really hope he comes back tomorrow because the only other thing I can think of is to list the stock exchange(s) each of the companies is listed on....and that would be really boring, and, I'm guessing, pretty useless.

In better news, I had an interview on Monday. That's a government job that requires clearance, so it would be 6-9 months (or more - that's just the average time) before that could possibly start. But I've also got an interview this coming Monday. It's at a place in Elkton which is like an hour and a half from my house, but it sounds like it'd be really cool work. Then I got emailed the other day by another company who wants me to come in for an interview. That would entail working in either Aberdeen or Alexandria (MD and VA, not Scotland and Egypt), which would be about an hour from my house. It would be pretty cool work too - the Aberdeen/Alexandria job would be testing products that the Army wants to procure to see how they match up to their specs and to each other. But the Elkton job would be systems engineering with aerospace applications, which would be optimal....except for the 3-hour+/day commute.

But three interviews is better than no interviews, even if the jobs aren't exactly next-door!

Anyway....18 minutes to go.....

Take THAT, Dukies!

Woohoo! Go Lady Terps! National Champs!!

Bored, nothing to do

So, my database now has over 600 entries (contact name, business name, multiple addresses, etc.), and I've done all of the other extraneous tasks that my tempBoss left for me to do. Actually, I finished them all an hour ago and now have finished all of the web-surfing I can handle for now. I'd work on some freelance writing that I'm doing, but I was working on it this morning and emailed myself the updated version, but I can't download it for some reason. I didn't really do a lot to it, so I could use the version I've got on my flash disk, but I'd rather not.

So, tempBoss is at home with a plumber at his new house (he's moved his family like six different times in the past couple of years!!). I'd just leave too except that he might come back this afternoon and, if he does, I need to tell him about an interview I've got on Monday. It's with one of those lettered agencies that resides around the greater DC area.

I'm sure it's just because it's much easier this way than it would be to badge me and get me into their facility, but I feel like it's something out of Alias since I'm meeting this guy that I've never met at a random Starbucks just after lunch to talk about a job with this particular organization.

It sounds like pretty cool work, but would involve deployments to 'hazardous' locations overseas for several months at a time every couple of years. Considering that my second home is one of those places, that's not really that big of a deal to me, except that it's not just about me anymore. VNB might have some objections to me being gone for six months at a time some place that isn't exactly considered "safe."

I told the guy who called that I'd have to discuss things with my husband first, but that I wasn't saying that it'd be out of the question. He seemed ok with that answer.

In the meantime, the folks here at tempJob really like me and my work and want me to stay on until they hire someone permanently. They're interviewing now, but it could still take a few weeks. But in the meantime, I may learn something about gold futures and investments and stuff....either that or my brain will turn into mush.

But hey....free lunch....free sodas....free chips....and not bad stuff either - yesterday it was Berttuccis! It could be worse. Now I just need to remember to ask my "handler" how much I'm getting paid for this.

I know how to submit my timesheet and when my check gets mailed from where and when it should arrive here in the mail....but not how much it'll be worth.

Me and my crack negotiating skills.

Temping, Day 2

mmmm....data entry....

Temping, Day 1

So I signed up with a temp agency last Friday. Today is the first day of my first job. I've been here for 30 minutes now and have gotten the "tour" from the poor lady who just happened to be wandering through the reception area when I came in, sat around for a few minutes while the guy I'm working for was out getting coffee, gotten the tour again from him, received five packages (and actually remembered the name of one of the people I was introduced to and was able to deliver her package to her, impressing several people with my amazing memory), checked my email, caught up on the news and all of my websites....and now I'm just waiting.....

The guy I'm working for wants me to make this database and make it like this other database that someone else already made...so I'm waiting until she's free so that she can show me her database that I can then copy and input different data into.

In the meantime, I'm listening to this old guy down the hall who likes to talk very loudly on the phone with his door open. Not quite, but just about every other word is a curse word. I seriously haven't heard this much cursing since the time I started to watch Pulp Fiction (I left after 20 minutes because I couldn't take it).

Anyway....the lady should be done soon, so I guess I'll update more later.

Later:

Dude....the company buys everyone lunch everyday! This rocks!

Heh...

Song overheard during hour 2 of my time on hold with the MVA:

"I think it's gonna be a long, long time."

(or at least that was the tag which was repeated over and over at the end of the song).

I'd laugh at the irony of that, but I've got stuff I've gotta do this afternoon.

Grumpy

Don't mind me....I'm just a little grumpy today, and with grumpiness comes sarcasm. I don't need to be reminded that "the right job will come along at the right time." In fact, comments along those lines will only compound the grumpiness.

10 Things You Can't Do With A MS in Aerospace Engineering

10. Use it to cook dinner (unless it's a very quick-cooking meal, in which case, see #2 below).
9. Sell it on e-Bay.
8. Use it as postage.
7. Use it as a musical instrument (unless you're wanting to sound like very small thunder, or do some serious "customer modifications" to it).
6. Use it to write the great American novel.
5. Call a friend with it.
4. Drive anywhere in it.
3. Wear it (unless you're really tiny or aren't very modest).
2. Make a real airplane with it.
1. Get a job. Or maybe that's just me.

10 Things You Can Do With A MS in Aerospace Engineering

10. Wallpaper a very small portion of a wall
9. Have a very small and short-lived fire
8. Hit people on the head with the tube they mail it to you in.
7. Be afraid to take a copy of it with you when you go to live in the Middle East for fear of being absconded by terrorists for your rocket-building skills. Oh wait....that was things you can do with a BS in aerospace engineering. Sorry...wrong list.
6. Make recruiters' eyes glaze over when you speak to them about possible job openings.
5. Make yourself extremely overqualified (to the point of being un-hireable) for blue-collar or temporary positions.
4. Make normal peoples' eyes glaze over when you tell them what your degree was in.
3. Be allowed to tell people "well, it's not rocket science" and actually mean it.
2. Be allowed to tell people "well, it is rocket science" and actually mean it.
1. Make an oddly-shaped paper airplane.

Survivor's Guilt....Sorta

So today, two years ago, five of my friends were hit by rpg/mortar and small arms fire as they were driving from Irbil to Mosul in the north of Iraq. Three died instantly, including a lady who had been my roommate for a while. One retained consciousness long enough to call for help, and one remained unconscious for a few weeks (medically-induced after a time to allow her to heal). The one who called for help was able to describe the attack to the military personnel who were attending to his wounds, but took a turn for the worse the next night, and on his way to Baghdad by medivac for further treatment, died as well. The one survivor received 12 bullet wounds, and lost three fingers, and the tip of her nose.

While that was happening, I was safely in Baghdad.

I don't question why they were killed. Their lives brought a great deal of glory to God, and their deaths have only continued, if not increased, that. I also don't question why I was spared - God obviously wanted to keep me around here for a while longer, and I'm cool with that. So, it's not really "survivor's guilt" that makes me so emotional when I think of my friends.

As I said in an earlier post, God loves me and He gives me all sorts of wonderful things - "more than I could ever ask or imagine." I'm singing a solo in church this Sunday about how faithful He's been to me, and it's very, very true. And I don't know why. I'm certainly no better than anyone else, He just seems to shelter me more.

And I think that scares me for two reasons: 1) it could mean that I'm not strong enough to handle life, so he's made it easy for me, or 2) (and this is the one that I lean toward out of pride, but also because I know it's true) to whom much is given, much is expected....and someday, much will be expected of me. I guess I'm scared that I won't be able to handle whatever it is, and I'm scared that I will be able to handle it.

The title of my blog is "Who Said Anything About Common Sense?" One of the things I've come to believe over the course of the last few years is that common sense is something that we Western Christians have come to hide behind. We say that 'God gave us a brain, so we should use it' and not do anything crazy like walk on water, or any number of other things which were counted among the great acts of faith, simply because it "doesn't make common sense."

I guess what I really fear is that, as He's done so many other times, God will call that bluff of mine someday too. He will ask me to do something which makes no common sense...and I'll have to do it and hang the consequences because 'to whom much is given, much is expected' - and He's given me so much (and because I've been such a loudmouth against common sense).

This is what scares me and is in the back of my mind when I'm reminded of how He protected me while in Iraq (not that it was better protection than my friends,' just different - He wanted me to do more here on Earth, while their tasks were done).

So someday, when I do something crazy for the glory of God, remember that I was scared to do it.

And remember my friends:
Karen Watson (my roommate)
Larry & Jean Elliott
David & Carrie McDonnall (Carrie is the survivor)

Karen's favorite song, which we sang at their Iraqi memorial service:
"If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile"

When I can not feel
When my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel
Hidden in You
Lord you are my life
So I don't mind to die
Just as long as I
Am hidden in You

Cause I could just sit with You awhile
You could just hold me
Nothing can touch me
Though I'm wounded
Though I've died
If I could just sit with You awhile
I need You to hold me
Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

Saddm's Secrets

So the most surreal thing happened to me yesterday. I was in the Family Christian Store in Laurel, looking for a book (which they didn't have). I was on my way up to the register to ask if they had it and I just hadn't seen it, when I saw a book entitled "Saddam's Secrets" on their 'special buy' rack. Now, any book about Iraq or the middle east or Saddam catches my eye...but this one made me stop in my tracks.

It was written by a neighbor of mine when I lived there.

Now, normally, that would be an exceptionally good thing...except that General Georges and I didn't exactly see eye-to-eye on a great number of things. I didn't trust him, partly because I felt that my bosses trusted him too much (if he said "don't cook chicken on Thursday - it might be dangerous," we didn't cook chicken on Thursday, and I'm not at all exaggerating, but I think what sticks in my craw most about this aspect is that I felt he was a little too happy to be able to boss around a group of Americans); partly because he'd been high up in Saddam's government, so (regardless of his lack of participation in the Ba'ath party) was not someone to be trusted (the only people who got rich under Saddam were people that Saddam allowed to be rich, and Georges wasn't exactly hurting for cash); and partly because he helped his brother's construction company fleece our organization on a project that I was in charge of. They didn't finish the work and ended up charging us at least twice what we'd originally contracted for. This resulted in my company feeling that all of the projects that I was in charge of were "failures" (yes, that is a direct quote, given multiple times at an all hands meeting), and ultimately (this is the part that really broke my heart) causing them to prohibit me from even visiting the friends that I'd made in that area, muchless completing the projects and being true to my word to those that I'd promised to help.

So, needless to say, I don't exactly have a warm feeling when I think of Gen. Georges.

That's not to say that he didn't do some good things for us too. He's the reason that my boss got to meet and chat several times with Ambassador Paul Bremer. He's the reason that my friends who died two years ago this week were given a memorial service (attended by Amb. Bremer) at the CPA (Coalition Provisional Authority - housed in Saddam's main palace, in the "Green Zone"). His position in the CPA, and then in the interim government, helped open doors for my organization - I can't deny that.

...but, there's still not a really warm feeling for him in my heart.

I've only read the first 18 pages so far, although I'm sure I'll finish the book before week's end. I don't know if I, my bosses, our organization, or our projects are mentioned in his chapters on Iraq's rebuilding (I'll let you know, although I doubt it in some ways, and think that it's very likely in others).

Thinking self-centeredly here, did this book appear because God thinks it's time for me to let go of this resentment against Gen. Georges? Did it appear the same week my friends died for a reason? I'm not sure I want to understand Georges better. I want to hang on to that bitterness. I want to revel in the nausea that comes when I realize that Georges, who is already rich, is now getting a little richer because he's published a book and I (of all people) bought it.

But at the same time, for all that I am bitter against Georges, I know that this book speaks the truth about life under and after Saddam, and I want people to know that truth. I've not been given many opportunities to speak about that (I've been trying since I got back a year and a half ago to get a Sunday night time slot at my church, but they keep telling me that calendar's just too full - there's time for a talk about the two-week trip that the pastor (and I, and others) made to Africa, but not time to hear about the 15 months I spent overseas), and some of the people that I have spoken to either a) don't believe me, regardless of what I say; b) hear what they want to hear, regardless of what I say, or c) just don't listen....so, despite the bile that rises to my throat when I type this, I tell you, all of my faithful readers....if you really want to know the truth about life under Saddam, during the occupation, and now when the Iraqis are again in control, and you want to hear it from someone who is Iraqi who was both high up in Saddam's regime, and also high up in both the CPA and the current government. If you're not afraid of how the truth might affect your beliefs about the current (and previous) war(s) in Iraq, then read this book.

Here are its particulars:
Title: "Saddam's Secrets: How and Iraqi General Defied and Survived Saddam Hussein"
Authors: Iraqi General Georges Sada with Jim Nelson Black
Publisher: Integrity Publishers
ISBN: 1-59145-404-2
Cover price: $24.99
Family Christian Store price: $19.99 + tax
Amazon.com price: $15.74 + shipping

Once saved, always saved?

Having been raised as a Southern Baptist, I was taught very early on how we believe that once you've become a believer, then you're set for life, regardless of what you do or don't do....but that idea has troubled me lately. Let me explain why.

I'm reading Douglas Adams' post-humously-published collection of speeches, random thoughts, interviews, web postings, a short story, and an unfinished novel called "The Salmon of Doubt." Adams is probably best known for writing "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." An interesting note for those who, like me, avoided the movie because it was different from the book - apparently the book was different from the radio shows which originated the storyline, and the tv show which came after the book was different still - all at Adam's request due to the different media, and his own (and Hitchhiker's) maturing process. So, I'm going to now rent the movie at some point and see if I can enjoy it like my friends who had never read the book did because Adams never meant it to be exactly the same. (Side-side note: until C.S. Lewis comes back from the dead and says that the Narnia storyline was better in the movie than the way he wrote it, I'm still going to be wary of that movie.)

Anyway, Adams began life as a believer, which is rather unusual in England where many claim a church or denomination, but few actually ever participate in said church or denomination. When he was 18 or so, he had a "conversion" first to agnosticism, then to what he called "radical atheism," meaning that he didn't just believe that there wasn't a god, he felt that he knew that there wasn't one. He died unexpectedly at the age of 41, I believe, a few years ago, presumably still holding this belief. He explains the conversion process in this book, and says that it was initially because he realized one day (thanks to a street evangelist) that religion is not held up to the same rigors of logic that the rest of life is held to.

That just makes me sad. It makes me wish that I had met him before he died and that we'd gotten into a conversation about religion's lack of logic so that I'd been able to point him towards C.S. Lewis' non-fiction (Lewis went from childhood faith to atheism and back to faith). It also makes me sad because this man whose work I love and whose presence I'm pretty sure I would have enjoyed, died and went to hell.

Except that, according to SB tradition, he didn't because until he was 18, he was a believer.

Now, I'm not a Biblical scholar. My degrees are in aerospace engineering, not theology or religion, or even philosophy. But that just seems weird to me. Jesus says:
"And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven." (Matt. 12:31 NIV)
"I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin." (Mark 3:28-29)

Does that mean that Adams was forgiven until he decided that the Holy Spirit didn't exist, but then he wasn't forgiven anymore?

It gives me a new respect for Mormons and their practice of baptism for the dead.

It also makes my head spin because if that's the case, then salvation isn't a permanent thing like I've always been taught to believe. Granted, there's only this one sin that can take it away (not every sin like Methodists believe)...but still...

Most people are more concerned with salvation the other way around - "What if Hitler, the moment before his death, became a believer? Would he go to heaven?" What about Saddam? Since I believe that no sin is "bigger" than any other, then the short answer to those questions would be "yes." Their sin was no "bigger" than my own, so they are no more separated from God than I am. So the same salvation that works for me could work for them, even at the very last moment of their lives.

But what about the person who truly has a salvation experience as a child, but then later in life completely recants those beliefs? I'm not talking about the person who simply fails to live as I think a believer should - I'm talking about someone who actively preaches against faith in a god of any kind.

There was an article in our local paper recently about another such man. He became a believer in high school, went (by his own choice) to one of the most conservative Christian colleges in America, got multiple degrees in various aspects of religion, then gradually lost his faith (he calls himself an agnostic now) due to his studies. He now goes around speaking about how erroneous the Bible is and has written multiple books on the subject. His wife still goes to church, but he actively speaks against it.

These men both preach(ed) against Christianity, despite faith as youth.

It's not my place to judge, but the easy answer would be to say that those weren't true "conversion" experiences in their childhood (and, to be frank, Adams never recounts such an experience, he just cites active involvement in his local church). That would leave in tact SB's "once saved, always saved."

But where does that leave a friend of mine from college who says something similar? He remembers his salvation experience and knows that he truly meant it at the time...but now he doesn't quite believe all of that anymore. He's not an atheist, and not even an agnostic that I know of....but he just doesn't quite believe those same things anymore. He's not earning his living preaching/speaking against mainstream Christianity, so does that mean he's safe?

It makes me sad. It makes me curious. It makes me wish I knew where Douglas Adams was right now. It makes me want to run an experiment to see what happens with each type of belief experience...but that thought also makes me slightly ill because of the eternal ramifications for some test subjects.

I don't really know how to conclude this. Any comments, you theologians out there?

Pictures

My good friend Ginny (check out her blog here) reminded me that I should put up pictures. Well, these are the ones emailed to us by our families. I'll post the link to the "official" pictures when I get it.

With the parents.

With my family.

With my parents.

With my siblings.

Announcing Mr. & Mrs. Jones!

Our first dance.

Dancing with Daddy.

The cake!

Birdseed.

The get-away.

Our "backyard" the next day.

Obafemi (Yourba word/name for "God Loves Me")

So I've decided that my name should be changed to Obafemi. God is just so good to me. This is a sampling of the story of my last few weeks.

Wedding prep:
- God brought the greatest guy into my life. The one guy who is completely perfect for me. And he's hot too. :) Here's that story.
- Thursday, nine days before the wedding, I got a call from our photography company. The photographer we'd chosen had a death in his family and would be out of town for the next two weeks (including the day of our wedding). The regional manager assured me that his replacement was her top guy. I was starting to get a little antsy when she told me the replacement photographer's name: Scott Tribble. That's right the photographer at the wedding of two die-hard trekkers who come from families of trekkers and many of whose friends (and attendants) are trekkers had a photographer whose last name was tribble. That settled me down considerably.
- Everything that needed to get done got done in time, maybe not the way we'd planned, but it was done and everything looked great.
- The Wednesday before the wedding, one of my friends mentioned that the RAs (the boys' missions group at the church) were having their Crazy Night in the fellowship hall (the location of the rehearsal dinner and reception) the night before the wedding. We knew we could find someplace else for the rehearsal dinner, but any decorations we put up in the fellowship hall would be at risk from a large number of rambunctious boys and many dodge balls. After learning of the double-booking, then RAs graciously offered to move their activity to an alternate location. (We thanked the boys with some treats last night.)
- The juice for the "Baptist Champagne" (white grape juice and Sprite), which could have been very expensive "just happened" to be on sale the day we bought it.

Wedding Day:
- All of the last-minute things got done!
- My brother and dad, both of whom had purchased suits for the occasion (along with the rest of the guys in the wedding party) realized that, while they'd picked up their rental tie, vest, and shirt, they had failed to pick up the actual suits. But since we'd done it all at Men's Warehouse, and since they had left their suits at the store (and not at home or something), they were able to just go to our local store and pick up two more.
- The flowers weren't at all what I was expecting. They were everything I'd asked for, but not at all what I expected. All the same, they were absolutely beautiful.
- The choir and orchestra (and my brother who was singing) all worked out beautifully. At one point, there was some miscommunication between JediTagger and the other musicians, so he started singing the chorus while they played the verse. He caught himself after a few words and played it off very well. Unfortunately, by then the director had noticed, so he was instructing the musicians to play the chorus. It was a few measures before they got it all together, but, other than the few words of the chorus that my brother sang instead of the second verse, I didn't notice at all. But other than that one tiny moment, all of the music was perfect and just like I'd always imagined.
- The cake, which, like the flowers, was largely left to the creativity of the designer, was both beautiful and excellent. The "hanging stars" idea was perfect, and the groom's cake with our invitation on it was amazing!
- The SNOW!!! I have witnesses of me saying weeks in advance, in the middle of our unusual 60° weather, that there would be snow for my wedding. Well, even I was a "little" surprised with the outcome. If the snow had started even a few hours sooner, it could have beendisastrouss, but it didn't. There were flurries all morning, but not enough to discourage most people from coming. By the end, the ground was nicely covered and gave us an excuse to leave the party a little early (ok, not really, but it's more fun to tell the story that way). Well, it snowed all night and into the next day. Most of Maryland got ~14 inches. Columbia (where VNB - Very Nice Beloved now, btw - and I live) got 21 inches. Laurel, maybe 10 miles away got 14. We got 21. When asked why that happened, a friend of mine replied " Because that's where lives now!"

Post-Wedding:
- VNB, ever since he got his SUV with 4WD, has said that the next time there was a big snow, he'd help hospitals get their staffs into work. Well, the first big snow in our area occurred on our wedding night. The next morning when we woke up, we looked out the window to see the total accumulation. Well, not only did we get 21 inches of perfect snow, our parking lot also got a 50 ft pine tree. It found the only two empty spots across which to fall and only blocked in the cars of one building - ours. In the Treover community in which we live, God used a "tree over" in the parking lot to make sure that VNB had absolutely no way to leave, allowing him to stay home with his new bride without any guilt. The tree was gone in plenty of time for us to leave for our honeymoon.
- I'd been slightly uneasy since I'd realized that the day after our wedding was "International Sunday" at church. The choir was singing a song that I liked and it was just a theme that I really wanted to participate in....but the snow helped with that too. :) Not only were services cancelled that day, but so was the Cake Auction - where VNB and I had our first conversation the year before. I was sad that we'd miss it. But it's been postponed (as has "International Sunday," I'd assume), so we'll get to participate in both! The choir and others who attended the wedding also have said that they really felt like they'd already worshiped at the wedding, so it was ok to not have services on Sunday.
- Our honeymoon was absolutely perfect. We had a "little cabin in the woods" in theShenandoahh Valley. It was amazing. We stopped by Luray Caverns along the way, saw Monticello, Ash Lawn-Highlands, and Montpelier (the homes of Presidents Jefferson, Munroe, and Madison, respectively), and ate at a Japanese steakhouse.
- And lastly, now I have a husband who is "more than I could ever ask or imagine" and a home that's on its way to being ordered and is already beautiful and warm.

Basically, everything is perfect, and I'm so blessed that I don't even know how to explain it all other than to say, "Obafemi" (God loves me)!

You're probably asking right now why I get everything I want and why He blesses me so much. Well, I've asked myself the same thing many times. The only answer I can come up with is this gem of wisdom:

I have absolutely no idea.

Merry Christmas!

Wow...I haven't posted in almost two months. You'd think I was busy finishing up my scholarly paper, finishing two grad classes, singing Handel's "Messiah," working, having a "wedding" shower, writing "thank you" notes, going to pre-marital counseling, and graduating with a Master's degree in aerospace engineering or something.

Yeah...it's been a busy two months.

But that's all done. This week, my mom and I will make the majority of my wedding dress, and then I'll pack what's left of my stuff that's been in my brother's basement for three years into a U-haul and drive it all back to Maryland. The week after that, I'll address a _whole_ bunch of envelopes and mail out invitations (send me your address if I don't already have it - and maybe if I do....some have been inexplicably lost). In the three weeks after that, I'll make three bridesmaids dresses. What little sewing experience I have was back in the days of baby Links and Elianas...seeing how they're both college-aged now, you could say that it's been a while.

But it'll all get done and on February 11th, while Maryland beats Duke, VNB and I will get married!

So, I'm going to go back to spending time with my family. Y'all have a merry Christmas!

Wedding Info!

For those of you who have been dying of curiosity about VNB, you can stop now. Check out our wedding website for info about lots of stuff concerning our wedding.

If you don't see information that you need, or if you see a typo, let me know.

A Year and Counting

So yesterday marked one year since I landed back in the States. Today marks one year since I first heard VNB's name. On Monday, GI Joe got back to the States and on Saturday, he'll get back home. Don't worry about me though - he and Coupon Maven are graciously letting me keep staying at their house until VNB and I get married (well, after a week or so of privacy).

I don't really have much to say on the matter of one year back in the States. I've blathered on before about how much has changed, blah, blah, blah and am just not really in the mood for more mushy writing today. But at the same time, it's an important milestone that I didn't want to be neglected.

So....a year back in America. Woohoo!

Fall

So the weather people warned those of us in the mid-Atlantic that it would be a pretty colorless fall this year since it had been so dry during August and September.

In my yard, at the very least, they were very wrong.

Each morning these last few weeks I've woken up to a sight which has been increasingly beautiful - a maple tree. My drapes are open just a crack, but basically the first thing I've seen each morning is that sliver of the great outdoors. Each day it's seemed amazing...and each day is more amazing than the day before. Despite several cold, rainy, and dreary days, the view from my window has been brilliant.

And then the fun comes. My car, which parks below said maples, always collects a number of leaves on the windshield and hood over the course of the night. So when I leave in the mornings, it's like I'm driving through a big pile of leaves! I get to see them as they all go flying and as a few brave cling on during my travels, waving wildly in the wind.

Soon the leaves will all be gone, along with the colors, and next year I won't be in this little room with it's view...but soon winter with its many joys and beauties will come, followed by a spring like I've never known before - one shared completely with someone else. Life will never be exactly the same again, but one thing that I've found to be always true in my life is that what comes next is even better than what was before. It may not be apparent right away, and at times it may seem like life can't get any better or more beautiful...but it's always been true.

So in the words of the Arabic Children's Bible that I learned from a lifetime ago, I say thank you:

شكرأ يا الله لانك خلقت الاشجار

(Thank you God because You created the trees)

There and Back Again

Well, we got back from Mississippi at about 7:30 AM on Saturday morning. It's a mess down there, but we were able to help a few people and see what we're really up against. It's going to be a _long_ time before life gets back to "normal" for anyone down there. We spent most of our time working in Nicholson, MS. The MapQuest map that I linked to doesn't really show it, but it's right next to the MS/LA border (that's the Pearl River). We were staying about an hour away in Saucier (pronounced "sew-shure"). We stayed with a couple whose nephew's wife was on our team. They're caring for her 100-year-old mother, so they're not able to get out to help people much, but they saw this as their way of helping with the relief effort. Let me tell you, they fed us _well_. We all probably gained weight, even though we were doing hard work all week. And we each had beds to sleep in (most of us didn't even have to share!)!

We drove down (in the rain) Friday night and got there Saturday evening. Sunday morning we made our first trip to FBC, Nicholson in order to worship with them during their morning service. Afterwards we had lunch with the pastor and his family, unloaded the food we'd brough for their food bank, then had a planning meeting with some church members for our Thursday night block party.

On Monday, the pastor was driving all over creation to teach at a seminary, so we were on our own (with some direction from him). We helped an older couple pull all of the furniture out of their house. They'd evacuated to Baton Rouge or someplace during the storm and hadn't come home for a while, so they didn't realize that their roof had sustained some damage and was leaking into their house. By the time they came back, all of their furniture, rugs, drapes, etc. were ruined. We also re-tarped their roof.

Tha didn't take us nearly as long as we'd expected, so we went over to the local elementary school. The principal was a member of FBCN, so we knew before we came what some of their needs were. In their county, all students are required to wear school uniforms. However, many of the displaced students don't have uniforms, so we brought some extra uniforms from our church's school for some of their students to use. When we stopped by to drop them off, we noticed that the roof of one of their portable classrooms needed some help, so we offered to re-tarp it. While a few of us did that, the rest of the group went over to the Pastor's house to remove the debris from his yard.

The next day, we went to the home of another elderly couple. It had been their home for over 50 years. They hadn't sustained a lot of roof damage, but it had taken two weeks for them to be able to get to their door due to all of the downed trees, so their carpets had picked up a lot of moisture. Their insurance company told them to go ahead and remove the old carpet, but to hang onto their furniture for the time being. So we spent the first day moving furniture around and pulling up carpets. While we were there, we heard stories about how beautiful the yard was since the gentleman was a gardener/landscaper, so we took the next day to try to return their yard to some semblance of order.

That day was the most heartbreaking for me. That couple had spent over 50 years cultivating their yard and now that they should be able to just sit back and enjoy it, it's practically gone. Don't get me wrong, they still have a few bushes and flowers, etc., but even the lady of the house realizes that, while it _will_ grow back, it's not going to do it in their lifetimes.

They'll make it through, but....well....I just can't imagine working so hard all those years to have it taken away like that.

On Thursday, we mostly just got ready for our block party, but we did spend the morning vising down closer to the shore in Waveland, MS. We went all the way down Nicholson Ave. to the coast. For several blocks from the coast, the houses were just completely leveled. For a few blocks beyond that, they were destroyed, although still mostly there. We were told that the storm surge was approximately 50 ft deep there at the coast, so even the tall palms and pines that were there were completely underwater for a time. The water reached in about 10 miles from the coast. Understand though that, unlike New Orleans where the water was trapped, this water receeded almost immediately after the storm passed...taking much with it.

Not at all to belittle the people from Waveland's tragedy, but it seems to me that they'll have it easier in many ways than folks in places like Nicholson. See, their homes are gone. All of their belongings are gone. They just have to accept that, bulldoze the debris, and start over. The people in places like Nicholson are going to spend the next several years dealing with insurance to fix roofs and remove trees and replace furniture and belongings and remove mold. The task is so overwhelming.

So we did the only thing left for us to do. We spent Thursday evening providing a needed distraction. We rented a moonbounce with a slide and provided live music and free hot dogs for a couple of hours. The people were so appreciative, the parents especially. They got to watch their kids _play_ for a few hours without thinking about the storm or their monumental task to rebuild. They didn't have to think about being evicted due to their trailer park's sewage system backing up. They didn't have to think about the clean-up process.

With that done, we drove home after one last wonderful lunch with our hosts, arriving back at FBC Laurel (MD, not MS!) at about 7:30 AM on Saturday. We're all still tired and still sorting through our own thoughts and responses to what we saw.

I _can_ say that the team that came together at the last possible minute was definitely Providential in its planning. We got along together so well and just enjoyed each others' company. But we're all glad to be home.

Em-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Pee-Pee-Eye

(That's spells Mississippi, btw).

As soon as our last team member gets here, we're leaving the church to head down to Nicholson, MS. Our church is partnering with FBC Nicholson to help them and their community get back on their feet after Hurricane Katrina. This trip is mostly for us to do some assessment to see what they need and how we can help over the next couple of years, but we know we'll be helping a couple of elderly families clean up mold (and possibly just see what of their stuff we can salvage, if the houses are too far gone), and pulling up some carpet (possibly at the church). The big thing we'll do, however is to have a big "block party" or carnival on Thursday night. The minister of music (who's the pastor leading this trip), another lady, and myself will be providing the evening's musical entertainment, we're hoping to rent a moonbounce, and we've got sno-cone and popcorn machines. Hopefully it'll give people a welcome and needed distraction from their current situations. In the future, we hope to bring down trained counselors since that's really what they need the most right now.

So y'all be thinking of us. It's a 24-hr drive each way with a week of work in the middle. Also be thinking of VNB since he's graciously doing without me for yet another week (he'd be there with us in a heartbeat if he had the leave, but he seems to think that having enough vacation for a honeymoon is important for some reason... ;p ).

I hope I'll have internet access at least for one hour this week as I've got a web-based quiz that's due before Thursday. We download it from a website, then have an hour before we have to upload it again, but we have until next Thursday to do it. But I can't make any promises that I'll blog while I'm there. I'll definitely let y'all know when I'm back though!

What a Difference a Year Makes

A year ago today I left Iraq. I distinctly remember as we were going through one of the many security checkpoints at the airport (the point at which we said goodbye to our drivers) thinking that I shouldn't leave. I should just go back home with the drivers.

But then "logic" or "reason" kicked in. "But you're going to a conference and you're actually interested in what they're going to teach you." "It's only a few days. You'll be back soon." And the real kicker: "You're going to get to go SCUBA diving in the Red Sea!"

Little did I know that I wouldn't get to go back. That those hurried goodbyes at the checkpoint would be the last words I got with our national staff. That those would be my last views of Baghdad.

Today, a year later, my fiance and I closed on a condo in Columbia, MD. A year ago, I almost didn't get on the plane that took me out of Iraq. Today I'm engaged, about to get my Master's degree, and have a new condo to paint and decorate in preparation for living there once VNB and I get married.

I still can't explain how much I miss Iraq. I really loved it there. There are times that it's almost a physical longing to go back. Even now, as wonderful as my life is, I wonder sometimes what life would have been like if I'd listened when that voice said "don't get on the plane." Would God have arranged something even more amazing so that VNB and I would have met at exactly the perfect time? Would I still be there? Would I be five months away from getting married?

What a difference a year makes!

Big Steps

So on Saturday, VNB and I took two of many "big steps." We realized that we could save some money if I was added to his cell phone plan and if I started using his gas card.

His company gives him 15% off of his cell phone bill, plus calling each other would be free, and with the "family" plans, we can share like 800 minutes. PLUS, they were running a special on that particular plan, so we get it for $30/month instead of $80/month for the first two months (not including his discount). Add that to the fact that we no longer have to pay my monthly bill, and we're saving a boatload of money.

Then with his gas card, he gets like 5% back on gas purchases at Shell stations as long as he goes to at least 5 in a year or something. So especially with gas prices the way they are right now, we're gonna save a lot of money there too.

So basically, the moral of the story here is this: marriage saves you money. :)

Article

This is an article that will never make "Headline" news, but shows one of the many improvements that have been made to Iraq since the fall of Saddam.