I (Don't) Vant to Suck Your Blood

So I wasn't sure when I came back from Iraq if I could give blood (like I had pretty regularly prior to going). I had to get the malaria vaccine prior to going though, so I figured it was a pretty sure bet that they wouldn't take my blood. Since they didn't have my address or phone number anymore when I got back, they didn't call, so I didn't try.

But after I'd been at least out of Iraq for a year (although I'd been in Jordan that time a year previously), VNB was going, so I tagged along. Turns out, they wouldnt have taken my Iraqi-tainted blood, although my Jordanian-tainted blood was ok. But then I remembered that I'd just gotten back from three weeks in Nigeria. So it was another year (ending August 21, 2006) before I'd be eligible again.

Fast forward to now. There's no donation center anywhere near my work, so I wasn't really stressing about it too much...but then the building decided to organize a blood drive. Easy, convenient, close...but I wondered if I'd be eligible while pregnant, so before I signed up, I checked out their website.

You guessed it: nope. Come back six weeks after the baby's born.

Now, I gave like two days before either going to orientation or going overseas, but it'll still be February-April of 2003 since I've given blood and March of 2007 before I'm eligible again. Four years of them refusing my blood.

And I'm O+ - not universal, but the next best thing. And it's not at all that I begrudge the Baby my blood or anything...I guess I'm just wondering what I'm being protected from or supposed to learn by not being able to give blood for so long.

And I'm kinda upset because I was hoping to catch up to my dad someday (who's on like his fourth or fifth gallon by now), but a four-year hiatus won't help with that much (neither will the fact that they consistently forget to mark my card).

Anyway...they don't want me, and I feel rejected. Somebody who wouldn't have otherwise given needs to go out and give in my place since I can't.

Language Practice

So while wasting time at work today, I was playing Dominoes online at Yahoo! Games. You play against another person and there's the ability to chat with them while you play. Well, to begin with, someone who was just "watching" threw some Arabic (that I could actually read and understand) up, so I responded in transliterated Arabic (Arabic, but in English characters). They responded, but the font was so tiny, I couldn't make it out.....that was kinda cool though.....

But as time wore on, my opponent dropped out and another one joined. This one asked me how I was in French. I responded and we had a long conversation about what we did and were I lived, all in French! I was very proud of myself, especially when I remembered to ask where this other person was. When I found out they were in Algeria, I asked if they knew Arabic too! They did and asked if I wanted to speak that instead. I said it was fine, but I wasn't very good and I only spoke Iraqi. They asked if I knew the Classical (or Modern Standard) Arabic....I said no, just Iraqi.....and then we switched to English and I got back to work (or....um....blogging....) after the game ended.

I feel very sophisticated being able to carry on conversations in French, Arabic (well, sorta), and English! :) I'm actually kinda proud that my middle/high school French was as good as it was and that I managed to keep from mixing up the two languages! :)

Anyway, I was proud of myself and thought I'd share.

As Stewart says, "Look what I can do!"

Big, Fat Fatty McFatterson

My father-in-law had some vacation to kill, so he called up last week asking if we had any projects he could come up and help us with. Since we'd bought the paint for the nursery during the Labor Day sales, he came up to help with that. He was tasked (by my mother-in-law, who couldn't come) with taking pictures of me and VNB, the nursery, and our cat (their grandcat) Monkey. Well, here's a picture of me and Monkey (the only way to get her to stay anywhere is to have her "momma cat" (that's me) nearby).


Good Lord, do I look HUGE!!!!!!! And that's just my hips! We're not even talking baby belly. It's like I've grown to mammoth proportions....and there are still FOUR MONTHS to go!!!!

Granted, I'm slouching and that doesn't help, but I don't really look much less house-sized in this pic of me and VNB.


But I'd only gained four pounds this past month when I saw the midwives yesterday, so I didn't get yelled at this time. But goodness gracious....I'm going to be the width of an elephant if this keeps up!

Sir Mix-A-Lot wasn't kidding when he said all those years ago, "Melissa's got a big ol' butt (oh yeah)!"

But the nursery's mostly painted (we've just got a few more touch-ups to do, then a border to put up before putting all the stuff back), and I've got two of my three baby registries up now (Babies R Us for the nursery set and Amazon for books). So now it's just a matter of convincing VNB that we need to take the time to go to Target and set that one up and we're as ready to go as we can get.

Moms & Dads for Modesty

I've had considerable time at work lately to surf the internet and have been led through a friend to damomma.com (the author had severe morning sickness, FAR worse than my own), which led to theparentingpost.com (because damomma posts there weekly), which led somehow (who knows how) to rocksinmydryer.typepad.com (another "mom" blog, this one from a Christian perspective), which led today to her friend Jules' blog www.everydaymommy.net.

Jules is a mom who has become increasingly concerned about the immodest clothing that stores are putting out for little girls to wear. Since apparently "mom" blogs are very important to marketers (moms buy a _lot_ of stuff), she's starting a petition of sorts. Basically, if you agree with the Mission Statement, you leave a comment on her website saying so.

Here's the statement:

Moms & Dads for Modesty Mission Statement

• As a Mom or Dad for Modesty I believe in common-sense modesty for girls and young women.
• I believe in refraining from sexualizing our girls and young women.
• I believe that it is unwise and unfair to taunt boys and young men by permitting my daughter(s) to dress in an immodest manner.
• I believe that true beauty comes from within and I strive to teach my daughter(s) this truth.
• I will loyally shop at retailers that provide girls' and young womens clothing that is modest, affordable and stylish.

Here's the campaign logo, hopefully linked to her site. You're welcome to take this .gif for your own site, just make sure you link back to hers too for "signing" purposes. I'm gonna try to put this on my sidebar too, but it might take some work.


So, regardless of your religious affiliation or non-affiliation, if you're tired of seeing things written across the bottoms of little girls, even if you don't have any of your own, leave your support for this initiative on Jules' site.

Good News!

It's not often that you hear of hope in Iraq. Most of the stories are about violence or war, simply because war, death, and violence are more sensational than life.

But this story gives you a taste of the life that is still occurring behind the violence. In the midst of destruction, people are helping each other to start businesses and rebuild homes, not to mention trying to achieve their dreams.

The people in Iraq aren't _just_ Shia or Sunni or Arab or Kurd - they're also just _people_ who want to live in peace. And more people are working toward that goal than are working toward civil war and destruction. Unfortunately, LIFE just doesn't sell as many newspapers as death. That doesn't mean it's not news though.

Due Date Bingo

Ok, so the due date has been changed (since the sonogram) from January 24th to Jan. 15th.

Now's your chance to see how good you are at predicting things. This is what I propose: write a comment for this post and include enough info about yourself that at least I know who you are (you can still comment as "anonymous," just make sure you say something so I can figure out who you are), and then your prediction for the baby's birthday. You can predict more than once, but only your latest prediction will be counted.

I haven't figured out yet what the winner will get, but if I think of something, I'll let you know (or give me ideas in your comment).

If you're worried that someone else has picked your day, then you can just be more accurate by adding in a time.

Keep in mind that first babies often come "late" and at the least convenient time possible. Those two may be competing factors, however since I will be 10 hours short of what's required for the Family Medical Leave Act as of the morning of January 15th. BUT, coming later makes things far more inconvenient for VNB since his store's semi-annual inventory is the two weekends prior to the 24th (he's supposed to turn in his final paperwork on the 23rd).

So, to be "convenient" for me, the baby has to come after 9 or 10 AM on the morning of the 17th. To be convenient for VNB, the baby should either come early (as in the first week of Jan or so), or very late (as in its original due date or later).

I was three weeks "late" according to the doctors (but right on time, according to my mom), and VNB was two weeks early.

Old wives' tales say that birth is approximately 5 months after "quickening." Well, I've been feeling movement for about two weeks now (first time I was pretty sure of what I was feeling was on Sunday, Aug 14th, putting baby right at its due date).

Let me know if there is any more information you'd like prior to making your guess, and I'll put a link to this post itself on the side so that you can come back later on to add/update your comment.

The First Shoe

I know that the saying is "waiting for the other shoe to drop," but the implication of that isn't really accurate for me. It implies or connotes that something bad has already happened, and you're just waiting for the rest of it.

Well...nothing bad has happened...at all...and it makes me nervous. Other than a few unexpected delays (and one unexpected lack of a delay!), my life since I've been back in MD has been as close to "charmed" as it could be. Met and married VNB, finished my MS, got a job, and got pregnant with a very healthy, normal baby.

I think, especially with the baby, I'm just sitting here, waiting for the bad news that is sure to come. I think the main problem is that I've watched too many "Birth Day"s on Discovery Health where babies are conjoined, or moms need emergency C-sections, or they're having quadruplets and three don't make it, or...something. But those things are very compelling, and even without them, all you hear about is pregnancy problems - premature labor, pre-eclampsia, hypermesis, toxmoplasmosis, etc., and those are only confounded by birth defects, SIDS, Downs Syndrome, and childhood cancers (to name a few). Not to mention all of the birth/baby horror stories that everyone seems to have (mom didn't know she was pregnant until about 7 months, then baby came in about 5 minutes - no urban legend, I _know_ these people). Then you add TV births to that where the woman is standing there normally, grabs her side, announces that the baby is coming "RIGHT NOW!", and five minutes later is pushing, whether Worf is ready or not.

It's like with the war in Iraq and elsewhere. No one ever tells the good or normal stories. Just "this is how to prepare for the bad that might happen" or "these are the horrible things that have happened in the past or are happening now." You only hear about the stories with "drama." Gestational diabetes-related inducements, poorly-delivered pain meds, midwives that don't make it in time, (potentially brain damaging) umbilical cords wrapped around the head....and those are just the stories for me and my three siblings (in no particular order).

Don't get me wrong...every baby's birth and every pregnancy before it has "drama" just from the mere fact of what it is - bringing new life into the world - but you don't hear about the ones (like mine, apparently) that go "by the book." Perfectly healthy, perfectly formed, take a normal amount of time, don't have any complications...

Now granted, something could still happen to me and/or Baby. We're only half-way there...but I think this "focus on the bad to prepare for the worst, just in case" mentality that we all seem to have is the main reason that I haven't really felt that "connected" yet to the reality of this Baby. I mean, we're preparing the house, I'm taking my pre-natal vitamins, I'm eating right, we're getting ready to register, etc., etc.....but it just hasn't seemed that real, like I'm still in shock or something. Maybe because, deep inside, I'm preparing for the worst "what ifs" babies have to offer by just not letting myself get attached.

Now that Baby has become a Mexican jumping bean that likes to tap dance on my bladder (and smush intestines) from time to time, it's harder to ignore, especially now that I've _SEEN_ him or her, even if just in profile. But it's still not quite "real" yet. I'm sure this is a normal process that will get better once we settle on names...but I guess I'm still waiting for that first shoe to drop so that I can spring into action and fight something more real than "your life is about to change drastically forever and never be the same (or even remotely close) again."

In the meantime though, it's time for "second breakfast." I think I'll have soup.

"Lullabies"

So I began my day, as usual, going through the email that arrived since I left work last night. As usual, several of my emails were "Baby" emails - websites I've registered on that send me emails giving me info about the development of baby, and other useful information. I usually read whatever sounds interesting from the initial email, then follow interesting-sounding links below each story until I run out of things to read. Well, today, one of the links was to the words to "typical" lullabies. As this is something I've been contemplating recently, I checked them out. There were several I hadn't heard of, but I was...surprised...at some of their choices for "favorite" lullabies.

For instance, the song "Clementine." You know the one - "Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin'..." Yeah, well, read the verses. She's a beautiful girl and her boyfriend is the one singing about her. She goes down to the river to drive in some ducklings, trips and falls in. He can't save her because he can't swim. Her dad commits suicide because of her death. She fertilizes the roses in the churchyard now. He dreams about her in wet clothes, but won't hug her like he did in life because she's dead now and he's got to draw the line somewhere (you think I'm kidding). Artificial resipration could have saved her. And he missed her till he kissed her sister.

Wow. Yeah, there's a gem that I'm _SURE_ to sing to MY kid.

The other one that really caught my attention was "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot." ("Comin' for to carry me home...") That song is all about laying down your burdens to die and being carried home to heaven. Now, I want my kid to have the hope of heaven...but this song sounds a "little" defeatist to me for new life to hear. My child is not a slave in a field picking cotton. It's a newborn baby living a comfortable life in middle-class America. It's got healthcare, its parents have good jobs, it has a house and will have plenty of food and clothing. IMO, the "burdens" of dirty diapers and momentary hunger aren't enough to call for the "Sweet Chariot" to come.

Another interesting choice (although not one I necessarily disagree with) is "Amazing Grace." They include five of the seven verses, and leave off the one tacked on by an anonymous writer which has come to be known as the "last" verse ("When we've been there ten thousand years...") since it a) has nothing to do with the rest of the text, b) wasn't written by John Newton, and c) like with "Swing Low..." has to do with death more than life, so again, not something I want to associate with my newborn. So I wholeheartedly agree with this choice, although it wasn't one that would have come to mind without their suggestion.

Other than that, their list is pretty much just full of standards (Brahms' Lullaby, Rock-a-bye Baby, Twinkle, Twinkle, etc.). But watch....now nothing but "Clementine" will come to mind when I'm singing to Baby.

Baby's First Pictures!

Not a great quality photo (quick digital pic of the printed sonogram which was uploaded to my computer as a .tif, saved as a 24-bit .bmp, then exported as a .jpg...it's been a long morning!), but a great pic nonetheless! That's Baby Jones at approximately 19 weeks (further along than we'd previously thought), and yes, s/he is sucking his/her thumb!

Baby was _very_ compliant for his/her pictures yesterday, both moving and staying still (at least for a while) on command.

There were waves at the camera, acrobatics, "running" motions, and yes, thumb-sucking. It was all very exciting!

In addition to the profile view shown above, we also got close-ups (at least on the screen, we only took home profiles) of the following:
- 1 multi-lobed brain
- 2 eye sockets
- 1 nose
- 2 lips
- 1 chin
- 1 spine (fully-formed)
- 1 heart (with four working chambers!)
- 1 bladder
- 2 kidneys
- 2 arms
- 2 legs
- 5 fingers on each hand

The pulse was 129 which is apparently right in the middle, so no old wives tales for us about fast or slow heart-rates meaning a particular sex. Speaking of which. We did _not_ see whether baby was a boy or a girl. VNB doesn't want to (although his resolve is wavering at the moment), and I'm ambivalent, but even if _we_ knew, we wouldn't tell anyone else. I have a horrible phobia concerning roomfuls of pink clothing. I literally get chills and look away when I pass "Libby Lou's" at the mall. So yellows, greens, reds, blues (and VNB wants purple - his school color).....just not loads of pink.

But the doc said that everything looked perfect! It certainly was amazing to see all four chambers of the heart pumping up a storm!

It's slowly starting to hit me how different life is going to be forever after this. I think that really started on the MS trip when I wasn't allowed to tote and lift like I normally do. Plus, I got to watch the two ladies each with two small kids who weren't able to help much at all due to baby duty. As that's always been my preferred role in situations like that, it's going to be different sitting on the sidelines. It's not that I won't be working (I've chased enough babies in my day to know very differently)...but I won't be working like I've worked all my life.

And while I've been ready to give up 9-5 _office_ life pretty much since the day I started it, it's...weird...for me, with my dreams of going to the Moon and being an aerospace engineer, (not to mention my degrees), to set all that aside. It's not that it isn't worth it, it's just...weird. To have had so much angst over finding a job....only to be pregnant by the time I started it! My company has already verbally said that they'll let me take as much time as I need, then work with me as much or as little as I want to afterward, so I'll be able to keep a foot in the door...but it won't be the same as if I'd worked full-time all that time.

The diapering, feeding, living with a baby doesn't worry me...but the being at home all day does a little. In one way, I can hardly wait for it! No more waking up at 4:45 in order to ride in with VNB and save oodles on gas! No more "nice" clothes every day! The ability to keep the house clean(er)! And cook! And do stuff at church when asked! To read! To have some "alone" time where I don't feel guilty about being in another room from VNB since I _like_ being with him! To be able to hang out with my friend Catnip who works nights now and never gets to see anyone! But at the same time...being home, with just me, never-ending housework, and a squalling baby almost all day, almost every day! Having people think that I just sit around and eat bon bons since I'm a "stay-at-home mom" now! Feeling trapped inside the house (especially since all of this will begin in the middle of winter!)! I've been there and done that (although minus the squalling baby) before and made it through...but it's still nervewracking coming up to yet another season of it.

Life is going to change drastically. And, unlike the waist that is completely gone now (I'm getting to the point where I pop out of my shirts, not in the bust area (well, there too), but in the belly area!), there's not even a chance of getting the old one back. And it's not that it won't be completely worth it...but it'll be different...and different is always scary. At least a little.

Pics from the Trip

This one was taken one morning at the hotel in MS. I had run downstairs for some milk prior to gathering our stuff, putting on my shoes, and heading out to the bus, when my Min of Music decided that this was the most hilarious thing he'd seen in a long time - me, barefoot, pregnant, and in the "kitchen." You can't really see how big I am, but it's still a pretty funny picture.

This one spotlights not only VNB's broken arm, but my burgeoning belly. Granted, I'm sitting down, but you can tell that I fill up my shirt more than I have in the past. This is also, incidentally, the next-to-last day of the trip (the last day was just the drive home), and I was feeling pretty poorly those two days. So if I look like I haven't eaten much and am a little pale....well....I hadn't and I probably was.

Oh, and this is the "new" hair cut....except that it was about four inches shorter when I got it.

Home Again!

Well, we're back! It was an exciting trip, all around. And yes, "exciting" is one of those words with multiple meanings and connotations.

First off...Scot, I meant to bring my cameras, really I did....we just simply forgot, so you'll have to rely on the pics of others (to be supplied momentarily).

If you want a good blow-by-blow description of all the action, check out our Minister of Music's blog: www.pursuingyahweh.com. But I'll give you a nice summary.

The trip down was uneventful. I only entered the bus bathroom twice on the trip - once on the way down, and once to change later on in the week. I felt great most of the days, with only a couple of mornings of ickiness, and only a couple of all days of ickiness (close to the end of the week when I was tired and probably not drinking as much as I needed to).

We got down there earlier than expected (which made the hotel staff nervous), but gave us extra time to settle in and rest before the first night....well, except for VNB and a few others who joined the pre-production crew to finish getting the stage and site set up.

Each afternoon threatened thunderstorms (with several following through on their threat), but it only rained out one event - the main community festival on Saturday evening. Even that was just postponed to Sunday afternoon (we'd built in a little spare time, so we waited to leave for FL until later than planned).

While we were in the process of re-prepping the stage (after a short shower) just prior to Sunday's event, a gust of wind decided to fill the sail (the backdrop) and cause the light trusses to topple. I and another person were in the middle of the stage, while most others were off or on the outskirts. Fortunately, someone looked up just as the toppling began and was able to warn us all. Being in the middle of the stage with backdrop behind me, choir risers and railings to my left, people, instruments, and audio paraphernalia to my right, and stage falling forward, there was no way for me to safely escape, so I just watched where things were falling and avoided everything. My SCUBA "control your panic" training definitely came in handy in those moments. Even so, I took my time walking out of the rubble to keep my slightly shaky limbs from tripping over something. I think everyone else was far more concerned about me (and baby) than I was (especially those who saw me inside as the trusses fell)....but as I reminded Pastor D, I lived in Baghdad for a year and a half. This was just an accident. There, they're aiming for you. :) (That's a joke, btw....I never felt endangered while there and logical reasoning said that I was never a target.)

Anyway, so after a minute or two to collect ourselves (and with people starting to show up for the fair), several of us started the clean up, while the rest went on with the rest of the fair (face painting, moon bounces, hot dogs, hamburgers, snow cones, popcorn, etc.). About 20 minutes into the clean-up, VNB found a box lid, tripped over it, and ended up chipping the Radius in his left arm up by the elbow. Now, if you ever talk to _him_ about it, be sure you say that the story you heard was that he single-handedly held up the collapsing stage to protect his wife and unborn child. That's _much_ nicer for his ego than tripping over a box lid.

So....while the clean-up continued and the fair (sans musical entertainment) went on, VNB and I sent to the emergency room. We were literally in and out within an hour! And the only even remotely "sub-standard" service that we got was that they didn't give him a percoset or anything to tide him over until he got his pain med prescription filled. But even that was livable. It was definitely uncomfortable for him on the bus the next few days, but we both survived (I have yet to get a cast to the face during the night). Plus, it gave me a small taste of what it's going to be like with baby (except that with baby, I'll be able to sleep during the day too instead of having to keep going) - he was up frequently during the night, for more meds, to change position, etc., and he needed help dressing and bathing (at least initially).

The worst part was that, due to the pain meds, we decided that it just wasn't smart for us to take the equipment truck and drive to NC for his friend's wedding. So, the team stepped up and drove the truck for us, and we just went back with the rest of the group on the bus.

But God was good to us, and the trip was an unmitigated success. Really. Let me count the ways (in no particular order):

- All of the concerts that we performed were great.
- We were able to encourage the FBC Nicholson folks, the teachers at Nicholson Elementary School, and all other concert audiences (not to mention others).
- The gust of wind happened before the concert rather than during (lots more people on the stage (all with their backs to the parts that started the fall), and audience in the area onto which everything fell).
- Someone looked up just as things started to fall and had the presence of mind to warn everyone else.
- No one was seriously injured (one boy got a slightly bonked head and a skinned knee, but nothing serious or requiring treatment).
- My past experiences (and the grace of God) allowed me to not panic, which would have been the worst thing for me and for baby.
- We had removed the heavy stage lights prior to that point (they would have made it all fall faster, giving people less time to get out of the way, not to mention the extra glass clean-up and huge expense of replacing all of the bulbs).
- An awning was there to shade the audience chairs, and it graciously sacrificed its life to provide an extra couple of seconds for the last people to get out of the way.
- The whole experience spooked our minister of music enough that we didn't set up the stage/backdrop at the other churches we went to, reducing set-up/tear-down time and aggravation. :)
- VNB's arm is "just" chipped, and chipped in a spot that isn't serious.
- VNB and I are married now, so there was someone around to take care of him (he'd be in serious trouble otherwise - pants don't button themselves, you know).
- He didn't break his arm until I'd gotten over the worst of the morning sickness, making it so I had the energy/lack of nausea to take care of him.
- The rest of the choir was gracious to help us out with getting the equipment truck back and unpacked, even though VNB could only give directions, not help physically.
- Instead of coming home Sunday night and having to be back at work the next morning, we had Friday through Sunday in which to rest and recouperate from the trip.
- While we didn't end up getting to see his family (since we didn't go to the wedding), my folks were able to join us in MS and Daddy even got to sing with the choir!
- My folks being there meant that their pop-up trailer was there and was available for use as an air-conditioned spot for the pregnant and otherwise infirm of the trip (well, and as our Min of Music's "green room").
- We got to see through the testimony of one of the youth on the trip how God is already being glorified through Jay's death.
- It allowed our Min of Music and fam to be with his extended family as his 10-yr-old niece undergoes surgery to remove an egg-sized tumor from her brain stem (today - Monday, Aug 14th).

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I (Part II)

As I sit here valiantly trying to keep my eyes open at work (and having a very sleepy brain try to rationalize that it's ok to shut the door for a few minutes of shut-eye), I figure I'll let y'all know that I probably won't be blogging much for the next week-and-a-half or so. Our church choir is headed down to MS tonight. We'll spend about three days there with our adopted church, leading a crusade, doing some rebuilding work, and having another "block party" event to give people a little break from life. After that, we work our way back up to MD pretty slowly, with a day in FL, and a couple of days in GA.

VNB and I are riding the bus down with the rest of the crew, but will become the equipment truck drivers once we leave MS. That'll allow us to peel off from the main group on our way through NC. One of Ryan's high school friends is getting married on the 12th in his hometown. We'll finally make it home on the 13th just in time to unload the equipment truck.

Like the time around my birthday, this will be a very in-law-intensive time. My folks will be meeting us in MS (they should be arriving any time now, actually) and will be there with us, then we'll stay with his folks while we're in NC. That's not a bad thing at all...but still stressful since we're both still adjusting to all that married life entails.

But by far the biggest stressor for me is the bus ride down there. We'll be on a nice charter bus with a bathroom...but I've literally had nightmares about the trip - all 21-22 hours of it! My actual nightmare included things more like driving too fast and running into things, but I think my real fears have to do with adequate food (having the right thing to quench the cravings), and being sick. Next to that is the realization that just about everyone in the choir has known me for years and years....which means that they're going to be smothering me with worry and attention. While it's nice that they care.....well....that could be difficult for me who somehow managed to hide my pregnancy from them (despite the constant and sometimes overwhelming sickness) for most of three months. On the way back (when we're in the truck), my main fear is the need for pit stops. Since we're not staying with the group the whole way anyway, maybe it'll be ok for us to stop whenever we need to.....but maybe it won't.

The last fear was only cropped up last night. Until then, I hadn't hit that "always hot while pregnant" milestone. I was still my normal, cold-blooded self. Well, being outside in the heat doesn't really bother me that much (honestly), but I had serious trouble while at the maternity clothes outlet at the mall last night (ironic, huh?). I'm sure the mall's A/C was on power-save mode, but just all of the sudden, I was so hot I couldn't see straight. I quickly finished my business in the store and sat down on a bench in the walkway. After a few minutes, I thought I was cool enough to keep going....well, after walking a little further, I knew I wasn't. I was never actually light-headed or anything, just exhausted and overwhelmingly hot. After finishing all of my business in the mall, I sat in what was clearly (from my travels) the coolest spot available for probably 30 minutes. At the end of that time, I was actually almost chilled and did much better on my way out. But that, of course, brings up lots of fears about how I'm going to do in the early August heat and humidity of MS! We'll be outside a lot of our time there, sometimes doing relatively hot work (singing under lights, canvassing neighborhoods, clearing debris, etc.). It's gonna be hard!

And to think...when I signed up for this trip, I wasn't even married yet!

But it's going to be a great trip! I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone again, and to seeing how much progress has been made since I was there last. We'll also get a chance to actually go into downtown New Orleans to see what it's like there. I've never been there before, so I'll have nothing to compare it to, but I'm sure that the damage will be evident.

I probably won't be posting much, but if you'd like to follow along on our travels, check out my minister of music's new blog: www.pursuingyahweh.com. He's promised to post daily updates.

Now I just have to figure out how to stay awake for the next 2.5 hours!

Random (and Not-So-Random) Thoughts

First off, Scot, I don't think anyone's taken a picture of me since the wedding...hopefully there'll be a couple taken this next week or two that I can share. But really...for all that 5.5" is a lot, as long as I keep my unbuttoned pants adequately covered, no one would notice a thing. As a friend pointed out on Sunday as I was showing off my "big" belly, "Now you look like the rest of us!" So...I'll post a picture when there's one to be had, but don't expect it to look _too_ different from "normal" me.

That's leads me to another thought...a realization, really: I'm a very little person. I've always thought of myself as pretty average....but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm actually very small. For instance, when I get "regular-length" pants, they drag the floor, even when I'm wearing 2" heels. And, even though my belly is 5.5" inches bigger around than normal, no one would notice unless they saw my unbuttoned pants or I pointed it out to them. I'm not complaining (although, all you non-miniature people out there would be surprised at how difficult it is to find clothes that fit)....I've just never really thought of myself that way.

Which begs the question, "why are so many people intimidated by me?" I mean, if I'm microscopic, why does my company president look like a scared little bunny whenever he talks to me? That's not even a "rocket scientist" thing because he's one too (or some kind of engineer anyway, but he started an aerospace firm, so I think that lets him into the rocket scientist club). I will continue to be fascinated by this phenomenon until it ceases to be true.

But I'll leave you with something to think about as the entire country complains about the heat. Right now, there are ~150,000 US servicemen and women (not including the Brits and the rest of the multi-national forces) who are in Iraq. Today it is 109° F in Baghdad. Temps this week will range from 111° to 115° F. And that's still not the hottest part of the summer. At the end of this month, temps will range into the 120s, 130s, and even possibly the 140s (yes, it's happened....I've been there - and if it doesn't get that hot, people complain because then the dates don't ripen). During that time, these ~150,000 servicemen and women will wear their DCUs (desert cammo uniforms) or their new BDUs ("desert-colored" battle dress uniforms) which are long-sleeved, usually with a t-shirt underneath, and whose pant legs either tie around their ankles or are tucked into their boots. They're made of heavy, thick material to provide protection and last in difficult circumstances. When they're in a vehicle, they're required to add to that a heavy, dark, flak helmet, and 60 lbs of "battle rattle" (flak jacket), not to mention their weapon (usually a rather hefty M-16). If they're on guard duty, they'll often be in direct sunlight for hours at a time, and if they're guarding (or in) a tank (which can be cooked on, even in cold weather), they get even more heat. So keep that in mind as you complain about the sweat that develops as you walk from your air-conditioned car to your air-conditioned house. Yes, the humidity is lower there....but even factoring that in, they've still got it worse!

Happiness Is...

- being able to stay in bed until 3PM on Saturday
- not feeling sick 24/7
- actually feeling _good_ (i.e., normal) some of the day most days
- buying adorable maternity clothes
- being surprised when VNB picks out a sexy "hot, pregnant mamma" dress for you to wear on a date five months in the future
- owning pants that can be buttoned without discomfort
- getting to _wear_ adorable (and comfortable!) maternity clothes!
- being at work without fear of popping out of your shirts (even with a tank underneath, that's still embarassing), or people seeing your unbuttoned pants
- knowing that in six months, I won't have to commute to an office every day!
- icee pops

Guitar Envy

All you guitar enthusiasts out there, check out this site (REALLY - it's worth the time): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbndgwfG22k. This guy is amazing! He's excellent when he plays "normally" too (check out "Fusion").

Maybe if I play more often than every couple of months, someday I'll be as good as him.








Yeah, right!

Hand-Raising

I've often thought about doing this, but haven't done it until today (when I was waiting just as fast as I could for a response from a colleague before I could really continue my work). I searched bible.gospelcom.net in the NIV for every reference to "hand" (which included any form of the word or any other word (like "HANDsome") which included it). My intent was to verify something that I'd long suspected: that the Bible doesn't talk about raising your hands in PRAISE (as is all the rage among progressive churches today), but rather in PRAYER.

Well, I was mostly right. Out of 1409 references to the word "hand," there is only one that says that we should raise our hands in praise:

"Lift up your hands in the sanctuary
and praise the LORD." (Ps. 134:2)

But there are twelve that say to lift your hands in prayer: Exodus 9:29; I Kings 8:38, 54; II Chronicles 6:12-13, 29; Ezra 9:5; Psalm 28:2; Psalm 143:6; Isaiah 1:15; Lamentations 2:19; Lamentations 3:41, I Timothy 2:8.

(The VAST majority were things like "lift a hand against" and "held in His hand," etc., but there were several regarding raising your hand in an oath and a few other miscelaneous ones).

So I guess I feel vindicated (although I wish that ONE hadn't been there)....but now I have no excuse to pray with my hands anywhere but in the air.

And on a slightly side note, this isn't to say that it's wrong for people to raise their hands while singing a "praise" song in church or where ever, since many of those are directed to God and are therefore prayers. I'm just saying that when we're "told" in church that it's Biblical to raise our hands in praise...well....yeah, that's in there once...but it's in there a whole lot more to raise your hands in prayer.

Heaven is a Wonderful Place...

So Jay's funeral was last Thursday. Except for the soloist who only just barely kept it together (yes, me), it was rockin' - literally. It started out with some of his favorite (rockin') praise songs, mellowed out in the middle for the sermon, and ended with one of his favorite Christian punk songs, followed by a song (sans words) written by two of his brothers and the boy who was driving. For not having any screaming, it was about as punk/core as you can get, and I'm sure it surprised a few of the older folks who came....but I and others could just see Jay rocking out with them.

Discussion afterward with my mom (she, Link, and Elianna came up for the funeral) prompted her to say that, despite her being labeled as "charismatic" when I was a child because she didn't say that it was abhorrent to God for people to raise their hands while praising...she still just didn't see heaven including music like what she'd just witnessed.

I just sorta laughed, because I didn't really know what to say. Being one whose music selection is extremely mood-based, and ranges from children's music to rap, and the heavier side of rock and everything in between, with healthy sides of 40s swing and "classical" (and an appreciation for well-done music of other styles), I could see how their song was worshipful...but I also "grok" plain hymns with piano/organ. I think heaven will get on my nerves (kinda like the local Christian radio stations), personally, if I don't get doses of all of them from time to time.

So in thinking about it over the last couple of days, I've come to this conclusion. On the day of Pentecost, when Peter was preaching and 3000 were saved, the Bible says that each "heard in their own language." It doesn't say that Peter spoke in tongues (as some would have you believe, although, Biblically, there's a place for that too...it just didn't happen on that occasion that we know of)...it says that each individual person _HEARD_ in his or her own language. So the French guy standing next to you would have heard in French, while the Arab woman behind you would have heard in Arabic what Peter was saying in...Greek? I dunno. Whatever language he was speaking in.

I think Heaven will be like that. The "Heavenly language" won't be Spanish as our Hispanic pastor (jokingly) says...it'll be more like Farscape's translator microbes where everyone speaks their own language and everyone else just understands it. And the music won't be one particular style that every tribe and nation will suddenly agree on....you'll hear what works best for you....so someday my mom can be standing next to Jay as he headbangs, and can sing her alto straight from the hymnal with an orchestra, and both of them will _HEAR_ in their own (musical) language.

And it won't just be music either. A Christian artist/speaker that I know often asks "when did 'worship' become a genre of music?" To worship someone is to bring attention to them for what they are or have done. We are always worshiping someone/something - it's just human nature. Often its ourselves....sometimes it's someone like Michael Jackson or the Beatles or a thing like money. But worshiping God doesn't necessarily include music at all. I think in Heaven, there will also be painters and sculptors and engineers and teachers and preachers and lawn mowers and chefs who are doing their jobs in such a way as to say how amazing God is.

So while Jay and my mom are rocking out, there'll be someone next to them that they will see as worshiping in their respective ways, but who will actually be gardening and seeing them garden too. And God won't see (or hear) any of it, because the form of the worship is irrelevant....He'll see/hear what's coming from our hearts as we praise and worship Him in our own ways.

But that's just my opinion/imagination. Jay knows for sure.

Potty Humor

Here's a little potty humor to (hopefully) brighten your Friday afternoon.

Just remember, the alternative to laughing about it is to cry...or, you know, not share with the world at all, but really, what fun is that?

So I just had two distinct urges: 1) I had to pee, 2) I had to barf. The conundrum confronted me when I reached the ladies room. Which first? The smell of peeing often makes me gag which leads to barfing, but the action of barfing could possibly lead to peeing. Being a girl, those two actions require facing two opposite directions in relation to the toilet. Hence my dilemma.

Sensing that perhaps the barfing was the more urgent of the two (and being the one over which I have less control), I did that first and was able to hold in the other momentarily.

Now, I'm feeling _MUCH_ better and am happily (and hungrily) finishing off my lunch.

Ah the joys of future motherhood!

He Gives and Takes Away

Before anyone gets too worried about me, VNB, or the baby, we're all ok.

Monday, VNB and I set our plan into motion for telling our church about the baby. Our plan was to purchase the flowers for the altar and have it put in the bulletin that they were given by us in honor of "the surprise blessing we expect to receive at the end of January." We got a beautiful arrangement in a cute, white basket with pink carnations and blue.....somethings.....amid daisys and other filler.

Saturday, VNB and I got up at our "regular" weekday time (~4:45) and drove to Smith Mountain Lake in VA for his annual family reunion. After breaking the big news to his family (he was wearing blue, I was wearing as close to pink as I get), I rode with him on the wave runner once (he drove very gently), rode in the boat as he water skied, but otherwise, sat in the shade with the "adults." :) Except for my feet sweeling near the end of the day, it was a beautiful, fun, relaxing time. While VNB took one last spin on the wave runner, I floated in the lake while chatting with VNB's sister to cool off my feet. We then cleaned up, said our goodbyes, and began our trip home.

It took us five hours to get there, but after a long-cut, it took six hours to get home. When we were about 15 minutes away, we got a phone call from one of our friends from church. Three of the newly graduated from high school boys at our church had been involved in a car accident, two were flown to shock-trauma in Baltimore, one was dead on the scene. One of the boys I've known since the day his parents adopted him when he was a baby, the other two I've known since they were stinky middle-schoolers. I've been their youth worker/counselor, their teacher, and their friend for many years.

I'm also very good friends with each of their families. The family of the boy who was adopted (the Morrises) have been very close with my family since we first moved to MD in 1982. His dad can play any instrument with strings and has been heavily involved in the music ministry for many years. His mom is one of the sweetest people on earth and works tirelessly in the church. His little sister was in the Sunday School class I taught for several years. Jonathan himself has always been very head-strong.....but if focused on something always excels. He was in the front passenger's seat and apparently hit his head pretty hard on the window. Half of his face is swollen with bruises, in addition to other scrapes, cuts, and bruises. He's still in a lot of pain, and isn't doing very well emotionally.

The family of the boy who was driving (the Alcotts) became friends of mine when I was teaching that Sunday School class of 3rdand 4th graders. Tim's dad, Gary, taught the 5th and 6th graders, and his little sister Jenny was in my class. His older brother Drew was in the youth group and one of my favorites because of his....mischeviousness. While I was overseas, Gary emailed me every single week to keep me up-to-date on the happenings of the church and of his family. That simple action was one of the sweetest things anyone did for me while I was away. It kept me close to the happenings at "home" and definitely gave their family an even softer place in my heart. Tim was driving when the car went too fast around the corner, flipped, and hit a tree. He's probably in the best condition, and was even able to visit the family of the third boy yesterday. Both he and Jonathan were released from the hospital very early on Sunday morning. He's got scrapes and bruises, but is otherwise physically ok. I'm sure the emotional battle is only just now beginning, despite being taken aside already by the third boy's twin and told that it wasn't his fault. Their family was coming home from buying snow cones a few miles from their house. The boys were in the lead car with Drew directly behind them. He saw the whole thing. He either called his family immediately, or they were shortly behind him. He's been troubled with drugs and other rebellious actions over the past few years. This is a very precarious time for him, too.

The family of the boy that died (the Groves) have been friends of mine for most of the last 6-7 years. I've been camping with them, Sherry (their mom) helped me to make some of my bridesmaids' dresses, I just sang at their oldest son Johnny's wedding a few weeks ago, and I've worked with them at many youth events...they're just a cool family with tireless energy for youth activities and church work. Hardest hit, of course, was Jay's twin brother, Jeff. The whole family is doing well, although there's naturally still some shock. I think his middle brother, Paul, is the one still the most in shock. He and Drew have been drug buddies off and on for years, but Paul's never left completely, always coming back in between (and sometimes during) bouts of addiction. But the whole family was at church yesterday because they knew that they needed the comfort of their church family, and that we needed them too.

So, after driving for 11 hours, and spending five hours on the lake, VNB and I headed to shock trauma to be with the families and the youth who were there. We ended up getting home around 2AM.

The Sunday morning services, of course, were difficult. Three of our pastors had maybe 2 hours of sleep, combined, and those of us who knew were like zombies, which really confused those who didn't know yet. But the touchpoint that everyone kept coming back to both Saturday night and all day Sunday was that there was no doubt that Jay was in Heaven, rocking out in worship, just like he did here on Earth only in ways we could never imagine.

On the advice of several people, I called the Maternity Center's non-emergency line, briefly explained what had happened, and asked them to call me back. My stomach was tying up occasionally, and I was a little dizzy from time to time, but really, nothing serious. It's just a precaution due to the long, physically-demanding day, followed by a long emotionally-demanding night and next (several) day(s). They probably won't even want to see me - I'll just tell them in more detail the various traumas, then explain in more detail about what happened with my body, and they'll tell me to try to take it as easy as I can over the next couple of days.

So be praying for the three families. For the guilt that the surviving boys (Tim, especially) will feel. In many ways, it will be far more rough on them and their families than it will be for the Groves. Also, for Tim's brother Drew to be able to live with the images he's seen while being completely unable to help in any way, and for both he and Paul that this helps to bring them further away from addictions, and not back into them. And for me, not just that "Lime" is ok (I'm pretty sure s/he is)....but the Groves have asked me to sing at Jay's funeral. Especially with all the pregnancy hormones making me always on the verge of tears anyway, that's going to be rough. Lastly, for the Grove family - that they continue to be examples to all of us in their understanding of hope and blessing, even in pain.

VNB had been concerned Saturday night about the flowers that we'd already bought, but I think it ended up being a good thing really. It was a good counterbalance - new physical life, and new life everlasting. As Job said, "He gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

I'm a Hobbit and I'm OK, I Sleep all Night and I Eat all Day!

So, since becoming pregnant, I've also apparently turned into a Hobbit. Not only am I getting extra hair growing in places I'd rather it not be (my eye brows have always been "full," but now they're starting to creep down my eye lids), but I also eat a lot and frequently.

For instance, for breakfast this morning (which I never used to eat), I had a bacon, egg, and cheese Hot Pocket Biscuit. For "second breakfast," I had a fruit cup. For "Elevensies," I had a bag of Doritos, and am now wondering what to have for lunch, with the expectation that I'll snack on it most of the afternoon, then have another largish meal just prior to leaving work around 4:30, followed by pre-dinner snacking, dinner, and after-dinner snacking when I get home. Whew...all this eating makes me tired!

Eliana will have to tell me if there were ever any straight-haired hobbits (beside herself, of course).

Now, to please my mom (and to blend in with the rest of the Fellowship), I must get really dirty and have a single tear trickle picturesquely down my cheek. And start talking in an English accent.

Cheers!

Oversight

VNB and I recently (finally) set up our official wedding album, and now have to figure out what other shots we want (several other prints of our choosing were included in the package in addition to the album itself). In looking over them today, I realized that I never told you guys a) that you can look at them online, or b) how to look at them online.

Anyway, if you want to view the "big day," go to www.theprosphotos.com. At the bottom of the page, put in February 2006 and my first name. That search only brings up our pictures.

If you really want, you can even order some for yourself online. Chris, I know you still check up on me every now and again - there's a good one of you, Kenny-O and my church's trumpeter, and my Futron friends, there's at least one group shot of many of us (although some had left by that point), and several of me talking to "the old man."

But in any case, for anyone out there getting married in the near future, The Pros was a good way to go for us. Photography was the one thing I didn't want to cheap out on, but they offered a very good package for exactly what I expected to pay for even a "cheap" ok-ish package. We went to a little presentation where we got to see examples of the work of several photographers, then got to choose the one that best fit our tastes. Plus, they give the added bonus of back-up photographers, in the case (as happened with ours) where they can't make it for whatever reason. The guy we ended up with was very personable and very good with the little ones involved, not to mention that his last name was Tribble! :) No Trekker can go wrong with a name like that! There are, of course, a few things I wish had been done differently, but a lot of that is due to the rush we had after the wedding due to the wacky tux hi-jinks pre-wedding, so I understand.


Anyway, if you're bored sometime and feel like looking at pics of people you may or may not know, this is a good way to fill some time!

Oh yeah...

I was just reading over my blog and realized that I'd never told you about my new job. I'm working for my old company. I started June 5th and still have yet to really be given a billable task to do (that is, something that we can charge to a customer). We've got a couple of "development" types of things that I'm working on, but nothing "real" at this point.

But back to work for me.

Great Expectations

Hey All!

I'm not dead, really....I'm just really bad at keeping secrets, so it's far easier to hide than it is to cover.

So, my sincerest apologies to all of you (especially Jenn J. and Tom G.) who have written/called, and to whom I haven't responded. I'm getting there, I promise.

Anyway, as I told another friend today, married life is great, but the honeymoon is definitely over - and the baby's due at the end of January, 2007!

That's right, VNB and I have "great expectations" which have made me rather ill, pretty much since day one. This week is approximately our 12th week, so we're just now getting into the 2nd trimester, when everyone says the "morning sickness" (HA! "All-day sickness is FAR more like it!) will get better "soon." I'm looking forward to that day!

It's a "little" sooner than we'd planned, but we think the reason for that is that VNB wasn't specific enough. He said that we'd start a family after a year. What he didn't say (but what he actually meant) was that we'd start trying to have a family after a year. So......God, with His wicked sense of humor took us at our word....and decided to give a whole new twist to the "paper anniversary." :)

But the due date is perfectly scheduled, as usual. It's the day after VNB finishes his store's semi-annual inventory, making him free to walk away for a week from work without any second thoughts. Oh....but if you work at my current company (or still interact with someone who does)...they don't know yet (well, a couple of people do, but not "management"), so don't spill, please! I'll probably let them know by the end of this month. I was gonna wait until my 90-day review (at Bear's suggestion).....but my waist has already grown four inches...so I'm thinking that by early September (assuming they do it on time, which is unlikely), it'll be a "little" obvious, so I should "probably" mention it to them before then.

We had our first "big" doctor's visit last Thursday. I was thoroughly checked out, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. VNB and I were both _VERY_ relieved to hear only one. :) But it was a strong one, and everything looks good! We'll go back in mid-August for another check up, at which time I think they'll prescribe our first ultrasound!

We're actually not going to a standard OB/GYN, but instead to a practice of Registered Nurse Mid-wives. Now before you email/comment saying that I'm going to get sliced up with bear knives and have leeches put on me, realize that these women are all RNs who have completed a graduate program in nurse/midwifery. They approach childbirth more holistically/naturally than most "regular" docs do in that, they let you do what seems comfortable to you, while still being safe for your baby. They _only_ take low-risk pregnancies and refer everyone else to "real" docs. They also have a great relationship with the hospital down the street. We have the choice of planning to give birth in the hospital or in their birthing center, but the first thing we have to sign is a legal statement saying that we won't fight them if they tell us we have to go to the hospital. One real advantage of going to the midwives is that their office is right in between mine and VNB's, so we can both easily make all appointments! Another cool thing is that these are the same midwives as those who helped my mom give birth to my little brother (as in, the woman who checked me out on Thursday was the primary midwife at his birth, and the lady who founded the place).

In other news, we're trying _not_ to find out the sex of the baby in advance. I think that's gonna be harder than VNB realizes, but that's ok. I'm not a big fan of the color pink anyway, so it doesn't bother me to have yellows and greens with some blues mixed in.

Y'all are welcome to make name suggestions, to which in response we will smile, nod, and say "that's a nice name," then we will go on our way and pick one out for ourselves. You'll find out the baby's name when he or she is born.

If I remember, I'll keep a running tab on size/weight deltas (that's "changes" for all you non-geeks out there) in the side-bar.

Oh, and any FBCL folks still out there, we're telling the church as a whole on Sunday, so, while it's not really a "secret" anymore, it's also not common knowledge yet. So, if it slips, it's no biggie, but we'd prefer to tell people in our own way if we can.

Speaking of which, I need to call the church office!

I promise I'll write more now that I don't have to pretend that I don't feel like crap!

Happy Birthday!

So yesterday was my (gasp) 30th birthday. Not nearly as traumatic as my 20th (when I stopped being a teenager). Life is so good right now that it's hard to complain.

Anyway, my birthday also happens to be Iraq's (new) birthday. June 28, 2004 was the day that the Coalition Provisional Authority officially ended the occupation of Iraq by giving control back to the Iraqi people in the form of the Interim Government.

So, happy 30th birthday to me and happy 2nd birthday to Iraq!

Also, on another note, congrats to the women of Kuwait who ran in elections and voted for the first time ever yesterday as well, I believe (possibly today).

Raindrops Keep Failling on my Head....

Those of you in the DC area know this already, but those outside of it may not be aware of the massive amounts of rain that have fallen in MD over the last few days. Let me tell you, it's been a lot. Major roadways (including portions of the Capitol Beltway) have been shut down due to standing water, debris, and even mud slides! Some places have measured over a _FOOT_ of rain since Thursday, although National Airport "only" reports ~10" (so far - we're getting more tonight!).

Federal buildings (like the National Archives, the IRS, and the EPA) are shut down due to flooding-related power outages and other electrical problems. One Metro (subway) station had four feet of water in it yesterday. They were pumping out the basements of most of the Smithsonian museums on the Mall, and at least two of those were closed again today.

After sitting in traffic for 45 mintes this morning, and only travelling 8 miles (with like 15 more to go in the same, or worse, traffic), I turned around and decided to work from home today. I actually _have_ gotten some work done, but it's been absolutely crazy these past couple of days.

We're in a ground-level condo, but we've got a huge ravine behind our building, so we didn't expect any floooding. Well, we were wrong. After a slightly soggy day sightseeing with VNB's folks (who picked a heck of a weekend to visit - and who almost got stuck here due to washed out train tracks!), VNB decided to get sick for the first time since I've known him. Around 9:30, on one of several trips to worship the porcelain god, he stepped in a huge puddle in our bedroom. Water apparently seeped in through a baseboard. Fortunately, we had exactly enough towels to clean it up, and we caught it before it did any damage. There weren't any puddles of water outside the building, and we haven't had any recurrences, but we called the condo association anyway, just so they recognize that it's _their_ problem to fix if the walls get moldy. :)

The most amazing thing to me though is that, a few days ago the local news radio station was talking about how low the local reservoir was. Well, today as I inched past the dam, I saw something I've never seen before. I think I've seen two or three gates open a smidge in the past. Last night, one gate was open, I guess about halfway (although I would have thought that was fully-open until today). When I passed it this morning, all six primary flood gates were open, four the half-way amount that I'd seen the night before, one, even more than those (so I'm assuming it was "fully-open), and one, open just a smidge. And even with that much relief, it seemed to me that a little water was leaking over the top of each of the gates, and they're still worried about people needing to evacuate homes that are adjacent to the reservoir. They definitely had to evacuate folks from the area below the dam. I haven't heard of any road closures in downtown Laurel itself, but the report was that the parking lot to the local train station (which is on Main Street) was under water.

It's just crazy. And they're expecting more heavy downpours tonight, and then thunderstorms for most of the rest of the week.

I "grok" that we're in the middle of a swamp.........but I've lived here for 24 years (off and on) and have never seen (or even heard of) anything like this.

Crazy, man....

You've Got Mail

So two days ago I got a non-descript, brown tube in the mail.

That's right folks. It's now officially official. To quote my "father," "I was once the learner, now _I_ am the MASTER."

I now have in hand a diploma that states for the official record that I have a Masters of Science degree in Aerospace Engineering.

woohoo....something else to add to my "I love me" wall. ;p

Interesting Sight

So my TempBuilding has pick-up boxes for UPS, FedEx, and DHL in the bottom of the stairwell. All three boxes have their final pick-up at 6PM.

Well, the other day I was leaving a few minutes before six and I saw an interesting sight as I came to the bottom of the stairs. The FedEx girl, DHL guy, and UPS guy were all just sitting there chatting like old friends. It didn't strike me until I was on my way out that they probably do that everyday as they wait for 6PM to roll around.....then they rush off to deliver more things.

I wonder if that's a quiet moment that they look forward to or an awkward moment that they try to avoid.

Last night I left at about the same time and was surprised to only see the DHL and UPS guys there. The FedEx lady wasn't there yet. I wonder if they missed her in their conversation.

Maybe they're both secretly in love with her. Maybe they try to do macho things in lifting packages and stuff to try to impress her. Perhaps they sit there discussing poetry and trying to impress her with their sensitive minds.




What? You don't make up stories about the people you see?

All I Ever Needed to Know About Church, I Learned From an Investment Firm

For all that I complain about the tedium, working at this investment firm as a temp has been a really great experience for me.

Except for the foul-mouthed old guy that I spoke of previously (and even him except for when he's cursing up a storm (very loudly) on the phone), the people here are probably the nicest group of people I've ever met.

What's so striking about them, I think, is that they genuinely care for one another. When one is having a bad day, they take them outside for a gripe session. When one undergoes surgery or illness, they visit them in the hospital and chide them if they don't report on their progress while they're out. They celebrate each others' birthdays. They hang out with each other outside of the office. They're professional without losing their humanity, and they're extremely welcoming.

I came into this, my first temp assignment, with the expectation that I'd be ignored and/or looked down upon (mostly because that's how I feel/felt about temps). Instead, they immediately treated me like one of their own. It's only been as the weeks progressed that I even realized that they hadn't all been here forever, but there were actually others who were almost as new as me.

I've been trying to figure out what it is that causes this familial attitude among them, and I can only assume that it's the lunches together. That 30 minutes a day when most of the company sits down together to eat gives everyone an opportunity to know everyone, and for everyone to be equal. At lunch, it's not the executive assistants vs. the accountants vs. the partners.....it's just a bunch of hungry people. We talk about our families, about movies, about our travel experiences.....about whatever comes up. And it seems that everyone recognizes the necessity of each of the others. The partners realize that they couldn't do their jobs effectively without the EAs to take care of them, etc. The bottom line of the lunch table is that we're all just hungry people.

And more and more, my thoughts come back to "this is how the church should be." The church should be this polite to one another. The church should care this much about each other. The church should take care of each other when someone's sick or hurting, and we should understand the usefulness of those who have different skill sets or giftings than our own.

So what can we do to the church to make it more like this investment firm?

• Size: Well....one advantage that the firm has is that it's relatively small. Instead of a mega-church, maybe we should look into "mini-churches." For all that I disliked the "church planting movement" methodology that I was taught (maximum of 12 people!!!! 13 people is way too many!!!! (among other things)), the more my church trys to become "Saddleback East" (i.e., BIG!!!!!!), the less I want to be there, and the more I long for a small church. That's partly because I feel lost in the crowd in terms of serving at my church (they have so much musical depth that I'm almost unnecessary, albeit nice to have around, while a small church could not only use my talents more frequently, they would also thereby give me far more opportunities to grow and improve), partly because I naturally recoil from "fads" like "Purpose-Driven, the flame thrower," but partly because it's become a logistical nightmare and I long for a simpler time.
• Breaking of bread: One of the tenets of the early church was that they "had all things in common" and that they "broke bread together." I think that much of this sense of community and family that I feel here is due to the daily ritual of eating together. So, I think that, as a church, we should eat together more. Not just the weekly Wednesday night dinner or the annual Labor Day picnic, but frequently, and with the same general group of people each time.
• Professionalism: One advantage that the investment firm has over the church is that people are expected to act "professionally." That's not to say that there's not the occasional cheery old guy with a foul mouth when he's on the phone.....but even he is a professional, attending all meetings he needs to attend, preparing for things, getting his job done. At the church, people seem to fit into one of two categories at most times they're either hiding everything from everyone else via "church face," or they're being "honest" and being some of the meanest, most spiteful people on the face of the earth. I guess sometimes, they're doing both. But there are very few who see Christianity in terms of something which should be practiced moment by moment - all of it, not just the parts that suit us at that particular time, but all of it - bearing one anothers' burdens means not only listening as others share theirs, but also sharing your own! As Christians, our "job" is to become more like Christ. Unless we are constantly striving to do this to the best of our ability, then we're not being "professional" about it.
• Respect: Probably the most important aspect of this firm that is sadly lacking in many churches is a respect for others' worth. Far too often we see only what is important to us. If we're Trustees, then we only see how people are destroying the building. If we're in the music ministry, then we only care about how to make that better. Often, we focus on our own thing to the neglect of others. Musicians complain about the rules the trustees lay down, and trustees complain about how much damage musical sets cause, etc., etc. (that's a fairly common example in most churches, I'm sure, but it could definitely be expanded to other examples). If, instead of seeing the other person or group as our enemy or as someone who's needlessly trying to curtail our fun/ministry, if we respect their opinions and them, if we recognize their value as people and as members of the community, we will not only save ourselves a great deal of angst, but we will often foster greater communication and understanding.

I'm sure there are other ways that the church could be better (barring removing the people from it). But now comes the hard part. How do we effect these kinds of changes?

Our new Sunday School class is trying, although they may not all be aware of it. We're a relatively small group (4-ish couples right now). We try to get together for dinner/games once a week in addition to our Sunday morning time. As far as I can judge (which isn't really my place), all of the people in the group are, for the most part, actively seeking to become more Christ-like, and they all seem to value and respect each other.

Hopefully we can continue those trends and find a way to expand our model to other classes or groups. We'll see.

Jobs!

So, last Thursday I received not one, but two job offers. Great news, right?

Well.....yes, and no.....

The first one I received was from the Army. They offered what I was making at my previous engineering job three years ago and before I got my MS. That kinda threw me for a loop. I knew that their offer would be lower than the others..........but for it to be exactly what I was making before was a "bit" of a blow. Especially given that my salary for the next two years would cap out at what the other company offered me up front. Now, in their defense, after I escape from their 2-year direct-hire program, that pay could possibly jump astronomically, plus I'd be helping to defend America, and I really liked the people there, etc., etc., but it's in defense (as opposed to space), and it's in Alexandria (1.5 hr drive on a good week day, 2+ on a bad one.....and that'd still be less time than it'd take me on public transport). Oh...and due to clearances, there would be no telecommuting ever. Plus lots of travel.

The second one I received was from my old company.....which I really didn't want to go back to and to whom I only applied because VNB made me. But, they offered me something "reasonable" (still far below what Salary.com says is the median for someone with my qualifications, but a heck of a lot more than I'm making as a temp....and $17k higher than the Army's offer)...and they're actually in the space industry....and "only" in Bethesda, which would be about 45 minutes on a good day and only 1.5 hours on a really bad one. Plus, if we needed to, I could commute in with VNB at o'dark-thirty, then metro to work, reversing that for the trip home. I could telecommute some days.....but a major downside is that they seem to be hiring me just because they want to, and not because they have any actual _work_ for me to do. So....while it's theoretically nice to have a high-paying job to sit around and do nothing....it'll probably drive me crazy in short order.

I mean, it's one thing to juggle white-out bottles when you're a temp who's being paid to be there to sign for packages........but to do it at three-times the pay? When, theoretically, there should be work for you to do? I'd far rather be busy than bored.

So....I dunno....I'll probably go with Futron again just because it doesn't make sense to hire on someplace purely for the expectation that you'll probably get a huge pay increase in two years......when you hope to be home, having babies in two years. Plus it's space. Not to mention not needing a clearance, so I could start at any time, rather than having to wait a month or two.

But I tell you.....even with all of the "spices" of relatively good pay and location, crow is still really hard to get down.

Back of the Boat

So last week at church, Pastor D was up from our adopted church in Nicholson, MS. He spoke, of course, on weathering the storms of life and his text was, of course, the story in Mark of Jesus sleeping in the back of the boat as the disciples faced a storm on the Sea of Galillee. Now, while not all of the disciples were fishermen, a goodly number were, so there was some boating experience there. These weren't all complete novices, and those who _did_ know something about boats also knew that particular sea and its penchant for suddent, violent storms.

But even with their experience and knowledge, they were still scared witless and couldn't fathom how Jesus could be in the back of the boat, sleeping, while they were battling this storm and (ostensibly) losing.

Now, I've had a teacher in the past teach that there were two conclusions that could be drawn from those facts:
a) Jesus didn't care that they were all about to die
b) Jesus wasn't concerned because He knew that they _weren't_ about to die.

The disciples chose conclusion a, when the correct conclusion was obviously b.

So, in my pride, I thought that, since I knew that Jesus _cared_ about the current storm in my life (no job), that therefore, I must automatically be concluding b - that He had it all under control and was sitting back because He knew that. But I realized that there's actually a third conclusion that the disciples could have drawn:
c) Maybe they weren't as skilled at handling boats as they thought.

All the while that I was patting myself on the back for ostensibly concluding b, I was really concluding c - that maybe I wasn't as good at engineering as I thought I was. Now while I could probably have used some humbling in that regard, I took it past where it needed to go. I'm not saying that I was bemoaning my lack of marketability.....but I was definitely beginning to lose confidence.

So....in response, I've started trying to block out those kinds of thoughts and _actually_ trust that God's got it under control. Maybe there hasn't been a huge, visible change.....but it's good to know that the third conclusion exists and that it's still not the right one.