Oh yeah...

I was just reading over my blog and realized that I'd never told you about my new job. I'm working for my old company. I started June 5th and still have yet to really be given a billable task to do (that is, something that we can charge to a customer). We've got a couple of "development" types of things that I'm working on, but nothing "real" at this point.

But back to work for me.

Great Expectations

Hey All!

I'm not dead, really....I'm just really bad at keeping secrets, so it's far easier to hide than it is to cover.

So, my sincerest apologies to all of you (especially Jenn J. and Tom G.) who have written/called, and to whom I haven't responded. I'm getting there, I promise.

Anyway, as I told another friend today, married life is great, but the honeymoon is definitely over - and the baby's due at the end of January, 2007!

That's right, VNB and I have "great expectations" which have made me rather ill, pretty much since day one. This week is approximately our 12th week, so we're just now getting into the 2nd trimester, when everyone says the "morning sickness" (HA! "All-day sickness is FAR more like it!) will get better "soon." I'm looking forward to that day!

It's a "little" sooner than we'd planned, but we think the reason for that is that VNB wasn't specific enough. He said that we'd start a family after a year. What he didn't say (but what he actually meant) was that we'd start trying to have a family after a year. So......God, with His wicked sense of humor took us at our word....and decided to give a whole new twist to the "paper anniversary." :)

But the due date is perfectly scheduled, as usual. It's the day after VNB finishes his store's semi-annual inventory, making him free to walk away for a week from work without any second thoughts. Oh....but if you work at my current company (or still interact with someone who does)...they don't know yet (well, a couple of people do, but not "management"), so don't spill, please! I'll probably let them know by the end of this month. I was gonna wait until my 90-day review (at Bear's suggestion).....but my waist has already grown four inches...so I'm thinking that by early September (assuming they do it on time, which is unlikely), it'll be a "little" obvious, so I should "probably" mention it to them before then.

We had our first "big" doctor's visit last Thursday. I was thoroughly checked out, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. VNB and I were both _VERY_ relieved to hear only one. :) But it was a strong one, and everything looks good! We'll go back in mid-August for another check up, at which time I think they'll prescribe our first ultrasound!

We're actually not going to a standard OB/GYN, but instead to a practice of Registered Nurse Mid-wives. Now before you email/comment saying that I'm going to get sliced up with bear knives and have leeches put on me, realize that these women are all RNs who have completed a graduate program in nurse/midwifery. They approach childbirth more holistically/naturally than most "regular" docs do in that, they let you do what seems comfortable to you, while still being safe for your baby. They _only_ take low-risk pregnancies and refer everyone else to "real" docs. They also have a great relationship with the hospital down the street. We have the choice of planning to give birth in the hospital or in their birthing center, but the first thing we have to sign is a legal statement saying that we won't fight them if they tell us we have to go to the hospital. One real advantage of going to the midwives is that their office is right in between mine and VNB's, so we can both easily make all appointments! Another cool thing is that these are the same midwives as those who helped my mom give birth to my little brother (as in, the woman who checked me out on Thursday was the primary midwife at his birth, and the lady who founded the place).

In other news, we're trying _not_ to find out the sex of the baby in advance. I think that's gonna be harder than VNB realizes, but that's ok. I'm not a big fan of the color pink anyway, so it doesn't bother me to have yellows and greens with some blues mixed in.

Y'all are welcome to make name suggestions, to which in response we will smile, nod, and say "that's a nice name," then we will go on our way and pick one out for ourselves. You'll find out the baby's name when he or she is born.

If I remember, I'll keep a running tab on size/weight deltas (that's "changes" for all you non-geeks out there) in the side-bar.

Oh, and any FBCL folks still out there, we're telling the church as a whole on Sunday, so, while it's not really a "secret" anymore, it's also not common knowledge yet. So, if it slips, it's no biggie, but we'd prefer to tell people in our own way if we can.

Speaking of which, I need to call the church office!

I promise I'll write more now that I don't have to pretend that I don't feel like crap!

Happy Birthday!

So yesterday was my (gasp) 30th birthday. Not nearly as traumatic as my 20th (when I stopped being a teenager). Life is so good right now that it's hard to complain.

Anyway, my birthday also happens to be Iraq's (new) birthday. June 28, 2004 was the day that the Coalition Provisional Authority officially ended the occupation of Iraq by giving control back to the Iraqi people in the form of the Interim Government.

So, happy 30th birthday to me and happy 2nd birthday to Iraq!

Also, on another note, congrats to the women of Kuwait who ran in elections and voted for the first time ever yesterday as well, I believe (possibly today).

Raindrops Keep Failling on my Head....

Those of you in the DC area know this already, but those outside of it may not be aware of the massive amounts of rain that have fallen in MD over the last few days. Let me tell you, it's been a lot. Major roadways (including portions of the Capitol Beltway) have been shut down due to standing water, debris, and even mud slides! Some places have measured over a _FOOT_ of rain since Thursday, although National Airport "only" reports ~10" (so far - we're getting more tonight!).

Federal buildings (like the National Archives, the IRS, and the EPA) are shut down due to flooding-related power outages and other electrical problems. One Metro (subway) station had four feet of water in it yesterday. They were pumping out the basements of most of the Smithsonian museums on the Mall, and at least two of those were closed again today.

After sitting in traffic for 45 mintes this morning, and only travelling 8 miles (with like 15 more to go in the same, or worse, traffic), I turned around and decided to work from home today. I actually _have_ gotten some work done, but it's been absolutely crazy these past couple of days.

We're in a ground-level condo, but we've got a huge ravine behind our building, so we didn't expect any floooding. Well, we were wrong. After a slightly soggy day sightseeing with VNB's folks (who picked a heck of a weekend to visit - and who almost got stuck here due to washed out train tracks!), VNB decided to get sick for the first time since I've known him. Around 9:30, on one of several trips to worship the porcelain god, he stepped in a huge puddle in our bedroom. Water apparently seeped in through a baseboard. Fortunately, we had exactly enough towels to clean it up, and we caught it before it did any damage. There weren't any puddles of water outside the building, and we haven't had any recurrences, but we called the condo association anyway, just so they recognize that it's _their_ problem to fix if the walls get moldy. :)

The most amazing thing to me though is that, a few days ago the local news radio station was talking about how low the local reservoir was. Well, today as I inched past the dam, I saw something I've never seen before. I think I've seen two or three gates open a smidge in the past. Last night, one gate was open, I guess about halfway (although I would have thought that was fully-open until today). When I passed it this morning, all six primary flood gates were open, four the half-way amount that I'd seen the night before, one, even more than those (so I'm assuming it was "fully-open), and one, open just a smidge. And even with that much relief, it seemed to me that a little water was leaking over the top of each of the gates, and they're still worried about people needing to evacuate homes that are adjacent to the reservoir. They definitely had to evacuate folks from the area below the dam. I haven't heard of any road closures in downtown Laurel itself, but the report was that the parking lot to the local train station (which is on Main Street) was under water.

It's just crazy. And they're expecting more heavy downpours tonight, and then thunderstorms for most of the rest of the week.

I "grok" that we're in the middle of a swamp.........but I've lived here for 24 years (off and on) and have never seen (or even heard of) anything like this.

Crazy, man....

You've Got Mail

So two days ago I got a non-descript, brown tube in the mail.

That's right folks. It's now officially official. To quote my "father," "I was once the learner, now _I_ am the MASTER."

I now have in hand a diploma that states for the official record that I have a Masters of Science degree in Aerospace Engineering.

woohoo....something else to add to my "I love me" wall. ;p

Interesting Sight

So my TempBuilding has pick-up boxes for UPS, FedEx, and DHL in the bottom of the stairwell. All three boxes have their final pick-up at 6PM.

Well, the other day I was leaving a few minutes before six and I saw an interesting sight as I came to the bottom of the stairs. The FedEx girl, DHL guy, and UPS guy were all just sitting there chatting like old friends. It didn't strike me until I was on my way out that they probably do that everyday as they wait for 6PM to roll around.....then they rush off to deliver more things.

I wonder if that's a quiet moment that they look forward to or an awkward moment that they try to avoid.

Last night I left at about the same time and was surprised to only see the DHL and UPS guys there. The FedEx lady wasn't there yet. I wonder if they missed her in their conversation.

Maybe they're both secretly in love with her. Maybe they try to do macho things in lifting packages and stuff to try to impress her. Perhaps they sit there discussing poetry and trying to impress her with their sensitive minds.




What? You don't make up stories about the people you see?

All I Ever Needed to Know About Church, I Learned From an Investment Firm

For all that I complain about the tedium, working at this investment firm as a temp has been a really great experience for me.

Except for the foul-mouthed old guy that I spoke of previously (and even him except for when he's cursing up a storm (very loudly) on the phone), the people here are probably the nicest group of people I've ever met.

What's so striking about them, I think, is that they genuinely care for one another. When one is having a bad day, they take them outside for a gripe session. When one undergoes surgery or illness, they visit them in the hospital and chide them if they don't report on their progress while they're out. They celebrate each others' birthdays. They hang out with each other outside of the office. They're professional without losing their humanity, and they're extremely welcoming.

I came into this, my first temp assignment, with the expectation that I'd be ignored and/or looked down upon (mostly because that's how I feel/felt about temps). Instead, they immediately treated me like one of their own. It's only been as the weeks progressed that I even realized that they hadn't all been here forever, but there were actually others who were almost as new as me.

I've been trying to figure out what it is that causes this familial attitude among them, and I can only assume that it's the lunches together. That 30 minutes a day when most of the company sits down together to eat gives everyone an opportunity to know everyone, and for everyone to be equal. At lunch, it's not the executive assistants vs. the accountants vs. the partners.....it's just a bunch of hungry people. We talk about our families, about movies, about our travel experiences.....about whatever comes up. And it seems that everyone recognizes the necessity of each of the others. The partners realize that they couldn't do their jobs effectively without the EAs to take care of them, etc. The bottom line of the lunch table is that we're all just hungry people.

And more and more, my thoughts come back to "this is how the church should be." The church should be this polite to one another. The church should care this much about each other. The church should take care of each other when someone's sick or hurting, and we should understand the usefulness of those who have different skill sets or giftings than our own.

So what can we do to the church to make it more like this investment firm?

• Size: Well....one advantage that the firm has is that it's relatively small. Instead of a mega-church, maybe we should look into "mini-churches." For all that I disliked the "church planting movement" methodology that I was taught (maximum of 12 people!!!! 13 people is way too many!!!! (among other things)), the more my church trys to become "Saddleback East" (i.e., BIG!!!!!!), the less I want to be there, and the more I long for a small church. That's partly because I feel lost in the crowd in terms of serving at my church (they have so much musical depth that I'm almost unnecessary, albeit nice to have around, while a small church could not only use my talents more frequently, they would also thereby give me far more opportunities to grow and improve), partly because I naturally recoil from "fads" like "Purpose-Driven, the flame thrower," but partly because it's become a logistical nightmare and I long for a simpler time.
• Breaking of bread: One of the tenets of the early church was that they "had all things in common" and that they "broke bread together." I think that much of this sense of community and family that I feel here is due to the daily ritual of eating together. So, I think that, as a church, we should eat together more. Not just the weekly Wednesday night dinner or the annual Labor Day picnic, but frequently, and with the same general group of people each time.
• Professionalism: One advantage that the investment firm has over the church is that people are expected to act "professionally." That's not to say that there's not the occasional cheery old guy with a foul mouth when he's on the phone.....but even he is a professional, attending all meetings he needs to attend, preparing for things, getting his job done. At the church, people seem to fit into one of two categories at most times they're either hiding everything from everyone else via "church face," or they're being "honest" and being some of the meanest, most spiteful people on the face of the earth. I guess sometimes, they're doing both. But there are very few who see Christianity in terms of something which should be practiced moment by moment - all of it, not just the parts that suit us at that particular time, but all of it - bearing one anothers' burdens means not only listening as others share theirs, but also sharing your own! As Christians, our "job" is to become more like Christ. Unless we are constantly striving to do this to the best of our ability, then we're not being "professional" about it.
• Respect: Probably the most important aspect of this firm that is sadly lacking in many churches is a respect for others' worth. Far too often we see only what is important to us. If we're Trustees, then we only see how people are destroying the building. If we're in the music ministry, then we only care about how to make that better. Often, we focus on our own thing to the neglect of others. Musicians complain about the rules the trustees lay down, and trustees complain about how much damage musical sets cause, etc., etc. (that's a fairly common example in most churches, I'm sure, but it could definitely be expanded to other examples). If, instead of seeing the other person or group as our enemy or as someone who's needlessly trying to curtail our fun/ministry, if we respect their opinions and them, if we recognize their value as people and as members of the community, we will not only save ourselves a great deal of angst, but we will often foster greater communication and understanding.

I'm sure there are other ways that the church could be better (barring removing the people from it). But now comes the hard part. How do we effect these kinds of changes?

Our new Sunday School class is trying, although they may not all be aware of it. We're a relatively small group (4-ish couples right now). We try to get together for dinner/games once a week in addition to our Sunday morning time. As far as I can judge (which isn't really my place), all of the people in the group are, for the most part, actively seeking to become more Christ-like, and they all seem to value and respect each other.

Hopefully we can continue those trends and find a way to expand our model to other classes or groups. We'll see.

Jobs!

So, last Thursday I received not one, but two job offers. Great news, right?

Well.....yes, and no.....

The first one I received was from the Army. They offered what I was making at my previous engineering job three years ago and before I got my MS. That kinda threw me for a loop. I knew that their offer would be lower than the others..........but for it to be exactly what I was making before was a "bit" of a blow. Especially given that my salary for the next two years would cap out at what the other company offered me up front. Now, in their defense, after I escape from their 2-year direct-hire program, that pay could possibly jump astronomically, plus I'd be helping to defend America, and I really liked the people there, etc., etc., but it's in defense (as opposed to space), and it's in Alexandria (1.5 hr drive on a good week day, 2+ on a bad one.....and that'd still be less time than it'd take me on public transport). Oh...and due to clearances, there would be no telecommuting ever. Plus lots of travel.

The second one I received was from my old company.....which I really didn't want to go back to and to whom I only applied because VNB made me. But, they offered me something "reasonable" (still far below what Salary.com says is the median for someone with my qualifications, but a heck of a lot more than I'm making as a temp....and $17k higher than the Army's offer)...and they're actually in the space industry....and "only" in Bethesda, which would be about 45 minutes on a good day and only 1.5 hours on a really bad one. Plus, if we needed to, I could commute in with VNB at o'dark-thirty, then metro to work, reversing that for the trip home. I could telecommute some days.....but a major downside is that they seem to be hiring me just because they want to, and not because they have any actual _work_ for me to do. So....while it's theoretically nice to have a high-paying job to sit around and do nothing....it'll probably drive me crazy in short order.

I mean, it's one thing to juggle white-out bottles when you're a temp who's being paid to be there to sign for packages........but to do it at three-times the pay? When, theoretically, there should be work for you to do? I'd far rather be busy than bored.

So....I dunno....I'll probably go with Futron again just because it doesn't make sense to hire on someplace purely for the expectation that you'll probably get a huge pay increase in two years......when you hope to be home, having babies in two years. Plus it's space. Not to mention not needing a clearance, so I could start at any time, rather than having to wait a month or two.

But I tell you.....even with all of the "spices" of relatively good pay and location, crow is still really hard to get down.

Back of the Boat

So last week at church, Pastor D was up from our adopted church in Nicholson, MS. He spoke, of course, on weathering the storms of life and his text was, of course, the story in Mark of Jesus sleeping in the back of the boat as the disciples faced a storm on the Sea of Galillee. Now, while not all of the disciples were fishermen, a goodly number were, so there was some boating experience there. These weren't all complete novices, and those who _did_ know something about boats also knew that particular sea and its penchant for suddent, violent storms.

But even with their experience and knowledge, they were still scared witless and couldn't fathom how Jesus could be in the back of the boat, sleeping, while they were battling this storm and (ostensibly) losing.

Now, I've had a teacher in the past teach that there were two conclusions that could be drawn from those facts:
a) Jesus didn't care that they were all about to die
b) Jesus wasn't concerned because He knew that they _weren't_ about to die.

The disciples chose conclusion a, when the correct conclusion was obviously b.

So, in my pride, I thought that, since I knew that Jesus _cared_ about the current storm in my life (no job), that therefore, I must automatically be concluding b - that He had it all under control and was sitting back because He knew that. But I realized that there's actually a third conclusion that the disciples could have drawn:
c) Maybe they weren't as skilled at handling boats as they thought.

All the while that I was patting myself on the back for ostensibly concluding b, I was really concluding c - that maybe I wasn't as good at engineering as I thought I was. Now while I could probably have used some humbling in that regard, I took it past where it needed to go. I'm not saying that I was bemoaning my lack of marketability.....but I was definitely beginning to lose confidence.

So....in response, I've started trying to block out those kinds of thoughts and _actually_ trust that God's got it under control. Maybe there hasn't been a huge, visible change.....but it's good to know that the third conclusion exists and that it's still not the right one.

Been too long

Well...it's been a while since I've posted. I've had several ideas for posts, I just haven't actually written them.....but now that my car keys have disappeared from my key chain and I'm stuck here with nothing better to do until VNB can get here with the spare, I figure I might as well catch you up.

Learn Something New Every Day

What I learned today:

White-Out bottles are singularly difficult to juggle.

Does that give you an idea of how boring today has been?

Alone

So, most of the people in the company that I'm temping for are away at some big meeting today. Most of the rest of the people are either in the other office (two floors down) or away elsewhere. For most of today, it's been just me and TempBoss....but an hour or so ago, he went home to work from there....so now it's just me. These people are very trusting. Fortunately someone showed me how to have the door lock behind me a few days ago.

Oh, and yesterday TempBoss asked me how much I'd make if I were to get a "real" job since they've discovered how useful it would be to have "someone like [me]" here.

My brain is slightly less fluffy today, but it's still hard to do the one very boring task someone left for me.

It's also hard knowing that ABC hates me and is showing this by showing the last episodes of Alias on Wednesday nights when I can't watch them. Bah.

The Limit as Time Approaches Infinity of Leia Temping

So I think I've discovered the limit of my ability to handle temping. It's approximately one month. It was torture to get out of bed this morning and come in, and it's been like pulling teeth to get myself to do the work that I actually have to do.

I'm pretty sure that my TempBoss just isn't going to hire anyone until I find a "real" job because he likes me so much....so it's not like there's even any hope of the work changing any time soon. My database is still growing....I'm still filing things....I'm fiddling with Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations....and my brain is slowly turning into mush.

Maybe the nice spring weather outside isn't helping....although going outside isn't what I'm craving right now....I literally begged the other night to be the scorekeeper in our card game, just so I could do some math. I don't know why, but math always settles me.

I remember a time in Baghdad when some of my army friends were literally within hours of going home when some heavy fighting broke out in their area. Not only was I pretty sure that my friends were in the thick of things on the US side (and that it would delay their return home), I was also pretty sure that I had probably interacted with (and might have known) some of the folks on the other side in my travels as well (this was a poorer part of town in which we'd given out food and water at various times). As I sat in someone's living room waiting for a meeting to start, I happened across their teenaged son's Algebra book. I opened it up and started doing Algebra. It was very calming. Math is just so......sure....and constant. I mean, sure there are times when there is more than one "right" answer, and things can get pretty crazy if you're talking hard-core math like math grad students do.....but when you're just talking about your standard Algebra, Trig, Gemoetry, Calc, DiffEq.....well....1+1 will always equal 2. That's very nice.

I don't know what that has to do with my brain being fried from temping. Maybe math is just my "happy place."

Draw your own religious parallels here. My brain is too mushy.

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie..... (read your Winnie the Pooh and you'll know what I'm singing)

The Secret is Out

So, it's not like I was trying to keep it quiet or anything, but I was doing my standard "I'll only tell you what my major was if you ask me specifically," so that I could avoid the "wow, you must be really smart" kinds of comments and glazed-over eyes. I did that a lot in college at social gatherings (that weren't initiated by my geek friends), and a whole lot after college as a youth chaperone at my church, but I guess I've been somewhat insulated since then. It helped that I was either working at church (where it wasn't amazing anymore) or going to class (where everyone was a "rocket scientist) or staying home (where the cat really doesn't care one way or the other as long as I feed, water, and pet her and occasionally clean out her litter).

Well....now everyone at my TempOffice knows, and those that hadn't been in the lunch room when it was discussed previously are now being told by those who were, to the point that when they walk by, certain people ask the other people if they knew that I'm a) a rocket scientist, and b) that I own land on the Moon (oh, go buy your own, you know you think it's cool). It's been the primary topic of conversation for the past couple of days.

While I've always thought it was cool to be a "rocket scientist"....I also take offense at the kind of "circus freak" mentality that seems to surround us. Now, the people at my TempOffice are smart people. They play with VERY large amounts of money (and take home very large amounts of money). They do things with money and the stock market and futures and stuff like that that I couldn't even fathom. But they still look at me like I'm a freak.

Granted, part of it is that you don't expect anyone with an MS in anything to be the TempReceptionist/Executive Assistant at your office, and especially a "rocket scientist," but still......I am not an animal! :) I don't have horns or a tail or any other physical feature that makes me significantly different from other people. I have relatively normal social skills. I have relatively normal interests (yes I do.....shut up!). I just happen to also have different degrees than most other people.

But guess what? So does everyone else!

Rocket scientists are people too!

Interesting Concept

I just received an email forward from one of my friends who always forwards everything she gets to everyone she knows. Usually, I read them and delete them, but this one included an interesting concept (in addition to the standard "look what we can do" portion).

Gas prices are going up this summer. We've all heard it, we all dread it, and there's very little we can do to reduce the amount of gas we need (without paying out the wazoo in lack of convenience). So, this particular forward suggests that everyone stop buying anything affiliated with one gas brand in particular. You can continue to buy from other sellers (and thereby continue on your merry way), but if no one buys from this one company, then they will be forced to reduce their prices (theoretically). Once their prices start to drop, theoretically, the others will follow suit. We're supposed to continue with this boycott until the prices are back around $1.30.

My issues with the idea are the following:

1. It seems to choose one company as the "losing" company without any particular reason behind it. I mean, if the originator chose this oil company because of unfair practices or pollution or whatever, then it would make a little sense, but the company was chosen, seemingly at random (at least, they didn't share their reasoning).
2. While I'm not a big fan of the prices now, and while I'm sure the oil companies could take losses for several years without really feeling it, the price of a barrel of oil has almost doubled in the past year or so...the prices have done approximately the same. Gas prices have not quadrupled while oil has only doubled. They are passing on to their consumers an increase in price which is mostly proportional to the increase in their costs. So, while I don't like paying almost $3/gallon, I don't think it's "unfair," per se....I think it's capitalism....and I'm not really one to knock that.

But it's still an interesting idea. So, if you'd like to participate, then boycott all Exxon/Mobil products until gas prices reach $1.30 (or whatever is acceptable to you). This doesn't really affect me one way or the other since VNB and I have Shell gas cards which give us a discount if we buy from Shell (so we buy from them pretty exclusively)....but maybe it does you. And it's an interesting concept.

Shorn Sheep

So I did something last night that has been a long time coming. That's right, folks....I cut my hair. Well, actually, some woman in Columbia Mall cut my hair, but that's just semantics. She cut off probably a good foot prior to the actual cut/style, so I've got another long swag of hair to go into my collection. One of these days I'll actually have enough to make a thick wig, but I think it'll take a few more croppings before that could happen. She did a really nice job and was very sweet about making sure of what I wanted before doing any cutting. It ended up as a very nice slightly shorter version of the famed "Jennifer Aniston" 'do. My main comment at this time is that it's very bouncy.

And for those of you who knew the "story" behind my hair....well....that's a lesson I think I've learned (so I don't need the constant reminder anymore) and really, my hair was just in pretty bad shape. In order for it to be really healthy, I would have needed to cut 6-8 inches off of it anyway, so this really isn't that much more. And this way, the next time it grows out, it'll be all nice and healthy again! :)

Why now, you ask....well...VNB's been curious about what I'd look like with short hair....and we're finally past all wedding-related parties, so I don't need long hair anymore for a wedding up-do.

Anyway, just thought I'd share about my new 'do. So far it's been a hit. All the ladies (except one) and one guy in my TempOffice have commented positively, and VNB absolutely loves it (which is really all that matters...well, other than my own opinion, but I haven't been able to get much past "mmmm....bouncy" yet).

Hopefully it won't be too much of a distraction (to me or anyone else) on Sunday morning when I do some last minute fill-in singing.

mmm....bouncy..... :)

Coding

So when I was in like the 3rd grade, the coolest thing in the world was this little turle called "Logo." He stayed still unless you told him to move, then moved in a straight line until you told him to turn. Using simple commands, it was possible to have Logo "draw" Spirograph kinds of pictures on a computer screen. Logo was one of my first loves (after Buck Rogers, of course - he still kicks butt).

At some point in time, my parents when to one of those "resort" presentations where they give you free stuff if you'll sit through their 90-minute schpeil. One of their free gifts was an Aquarius "computer." It was basically a keyboard that you hooked up to your TV. You could type in an entire program, then say "run" and the program would run. Basically it was Logo on very weak steroids. That was cool too. I tried all of their sample programs several times over, even the one that was for "Concentric Circles" that never worked. That one was several pages of text. And that was really cool to me.

When I was in middle school, one of our art projects was to create a picture by commanding the pixels on the computer screen to change to a certain color. That was the coolest art project I ever remember doing (actually, it's the only art project I actually remember doing). Aside - Why is it that I remember all of our Home Ec. projects, but only that one art project? Anyway...

In high school, I went to a month-long science summer camp (what? it was cool!) and "learned" a semester of college-level FORTRAN during that month. I don't remember what the programs were that we wrote, but I do remember that there was a guy there with my same initials (everything coming out of the VAX machines we were working on started with a big page of your initials and last four digits of your SSN so that you'd know who's was who's) and the joy of getting a program to do what you wanted it to do.

But somehow, by the time I got into college, I knew I didn't want to code. Word processing was fine (even back in the day when there was no GUI associated with WordPerfect - I amazed my dad with my WP skills in high school). Maybe it was because my family didn't get a computer until I was away at college (and then it was a Mac - at my suggestion, but still a Mac - which wasn't exactly known for the average coder's use at that time). I didn't get my own computer until several years after I finished college. Maybe I would have been more into it had I had more access to computers as a child.

I got through all the Mathematica and Matlab stuff I had to do in college, but I cringed all the way through those assignments (and relied heavily on my friends and classmates).

So why is it that in my spare time one Christmas break, I taught myself "C?" I still haven't figured that out. I think I was just very bored at work (this was during college).

Maybe that's the key because, being very bored at work today, I'm teaching myself Visual Basic. I figure that once I'm gone, the actual Executive Assistant will need to keep using this contact database that I've developed, so I should put in nice things like search and data entry forms. So I'm figuring out how to do that. Might as well learn something useful while I'm here, huh?

I'm Flattered?

So TempBoss (who is back today, thankfully) just said, "Are you sure you don't want to be an Executive Assistant full time? You're so good!"

I think the "deer in the headlights" look that I gave back to him wigged him out a little. There are people in this world who would absolutely love this job, and more power to them - we couldn't get along without them. I may be able to do it well, but I am very certainly not one of those people.

I mean, the lunches are nice and all.....but my brain turns to mush daily......my stomach drops just thinking of it.

So, thank you to the people of the world who like doing things that I don't like to do. You keep the world running. I'm flattered that I could be counted among your ranks.....but this job is so very much not for me.....

Unless they paid me like $1,000,000/year. Then I might be able to handle the mental mush.

Bored, nothing to do...

So the guy I'm temping for told me on Monday that he was going to NY yesterday. He had to leave early to go to a dinner, but then he was going to come back to sort some files that he wanted me to make a spreadsheet of (the files were companies that he wanted sorted into three different types, then he wanted each company listed with its stock ticker symbol). Well...he didn't sort them and wasn't here yesterday and I had nothing else to do, so I started on sorting and cataloging them myself. Well....he wasn't here again today, so I finished up that project (and a few other little things that other people asked me to do)....and here I am, 25 minutes to go, and absolutely nothing left to do.

I really hope he comes back tomorrow because the only other thing I can think of is to list the stock exchange(s) each of the companies is listed on....and that would be really boring, and, I'm guessing, pretty useless.

In better news, I had an interview on Monday. That's a government job that requires clearance, so it would be 6-9 months (or more - that's just the average time) before that could possibly start. But I've also got an interview this coming Monday. It's at a place in Elkton which is like an hour and a half from my house, but it sounds like it'd be really cool work. Then I got emailed the other day by another company who wants me to come in for an interview. That would entail working in either Aberdeen or Alexandria (MD and VA, not Scotland and Egypt), which would be about an hour from my house. It would be pretty cool work too - the Aberdeen/Alexandria job would be testing products that the Army wants to procure to see how they match up to their specs and to each other. But the Elkton job would be systems engineering with aerospace applications, which would be optimal....except for the 3-hour+/day commute.

But three interviews is better than no interviews, even if the jobs aren't exactly next-door!

Anyway....18 minutes to go.....

Take THAT, Dukies!

Woohoo! Go Lady Terps! National Champs!!

Bored, nothing to do

So, my database now has over 600 entries (contact name, business name, multiple addresses, etc.), and I've done all of the other extraneous tasks that my tempBoss left for me to do. Actually, I finished them all an hour ago and now have finished all of the web-surfing I can handle for now. I'd work on some freelance writing that I'm doing, but I was working on it this morning and emailed myself the updated version, but I can't download it for some reason. I didn't really do a lot to it, so I could use the version I've got on my flash disk, but I'd rather not.

So, tempBoss is at home with a plumber at his new house (he's moved his family like six different times in the past couple of years!!). I'd just leave too except that he might come back this afternoon and, if he does, I need to tell him about an interview I've got on Monday. It's with one of those lettered agencies that resides around the greater DC area.

I'm sure it's just because it's much easier this way than it would be to badge me and get me into their facility, but I feel like it's something out of Alias since I'm meeting this guy that I've never met at a random Starbucks just after lunch to talk about a job with this particular organization.

It sounds like pretty cool work, but would involve deployments to 'hazardous' locations overseas for several months at a time every couple of years. Considering that my second home is one of those places, that's not really that big of a deal to me, except that it's not just about me anymore. VNB might have some objections to me being gone for six months at a time some place that isn't exactly considered "safe."

I told the guy who called that I'd have to discuss things with my husband first, but that I wasn't saying that it'd be out of the question. He seemed ok with that answer.

In the meantime, the folks here at tempJob really like me and my work and want me to stay on until they hire someone permanently. They're interviewing now, but it could still take a few weeks. But in the meantime, I may learn something about gold futures and investments and stuff....either that or my brain will turn into mush.

But hey....free lunch....free sodas....free chips....and not bad stuff either - yesterday it was Berttuccis! It could be worse. Now I just need to remember to ask my "handler" how much I'm getting paid for this.

I know how to submit my timesheet and when my check gets mailed from where and when it should arrive here in the mail....but not how much it'll be worth.

Me and my crack negotiating skills.

Temping, Day 2

mmmm....data entry....

Temping, Day 1

So I signed up with a temp agency last Friday. Today is the first day of my first job. I've been here for 30 minutes now and have gotten the "tour" from the poor lady who just happened to be wandering through the reception area when I came in, sat around for a few minutes while the guy I'm working for was out getting coffee, gotten the tour again from him, received five packages (and actually remembered the name of one of the people I was introduced to and was able to deliver her package to her, impressing several people with my amazing memory), checked my email, caught up on the news and all of my websites....and now I'm just waiting.....

The guy I'm working for wants me to make this database and make it like this other database that someone else already made...so I'm waiting until she's free so that she can show me her database that I can then copy and input different data into.

In the meantime, I'm listening to this old guy down the hall who likes to talk very loudly on the phone with his door open. Not quite, but just about every other word is a curse word. I seriously haven't heard this much cursing since the time I started to watch Pulp Fiction (I left after 20 minutes because I couldn't take it).

Anyway....the lady should be done soon, so I guess I'll update more later.

Later:

Dude....the company buys everyone lunch everyday! This rocks!

Heh...

Song overheard during hour 2 of my time on hold with the MVA:

"I think it's gonna be a long, long time."

(or at least that was the tag which was repeated over and over at the end of the song).

I'd laugh at the irony of that, but I've got stuff I've gotta do this afternoon.

Grumpy

Don't mind me....I'm just a little grumpy today, and with grumpiness comes sarcasm. I don't need to be reminded that "the right job will come along at the right time." In fact, comments along those lines will only compound the grumpiness.

10 Things You Can't Do With A MS in Aerospace Engineering

10. Use it to cook dinner (unless it's a very quick-cooking meal, in which case, see #2 below).
9. Sell it on e-Bay.
8. Use it as postage.
7. Use it as a musical instrument (unless you're wanting to sound like very small thunder, or do some serious "customer modifications" to it).
6. Use it to write the great American novel.
5. Call a friend with it.
4. Drive anywhere in it.
3. Wear it (unless you're really tiny or aren't very modest).
2. Make a real airplane with it.
1. Get a job. Or maybe that's just me.

10 Things You Can Do With A MS in Aerospace Engineering

10. Wallpaper a very small portion of a wall
9. Have a very small and short-lived fire
8. Hit people on the head with the tube they mail it to you in.
7. Be afraid to take a copy of it with you when you go to live in the Middle East for fear of being absconded by terrorists for your rocket-building skills. Oh wait....that was things you can do with a BS in aerospace engineering. Sorry...wrong list.
6. Make recruiters' eyes glaze over when you speak to them about possible job openings.
5. Make yourself extremely overqualified (to the point of being un-hireable) for blue-collar or temporary positions.
4. Make normal peoples' eyes glaze over when you tell them what your degree was in.
3. Be allowed to tell people "well, it's not rocket science" and actually mean it.
2. Be allowed to tell people "well, it is rocket science" and actually mean it.
1. Make an oddly-shaped paper airplane.

Survivor's Guilt....Sorta

So today, two years ago, five of my friends were hit by rpg/mortar and small arms fire as they were driving from Irbil to Mosul in the north of Iraq. Three died instantly, including a lady who had been my roommate for a while. One retained consciousness long enough to call for help, and one remained unconscious for a few weeks (medically-induced after a time to allow her to heal). The one who called for help was able to describe the attack to the military personnel who were attending to his wounds, but took a turn for the worse the next night, and on his way to Baghdad by medivac for further treatment, died as well. The one survivor received 12 bullet wounds, and lost three fingers, and the tip of her nose.

While that was happening, I was safely in Baghdad.

I don't question why they were killed. Their lives brought a great deal of glory to God, and their deaths have only continued, if not increased, that. I also don't question why I was spared - God obviously wanted to keep me around here for a while longer, and I'm cool with that. So, it's not really "survivor's guilt" that makes me so emotional when I think of my friends.

As I said in an earlier post, God loves me and He gives me all sorts of wonderful things - "more than I could ever ask or imagine." I'm singing a solo in church this Sunday about how faithful He's been to me, and it's very, very true. And I don't know why. I'm certainly no better than anyone else, He just seems to shelter me more.

And I think that scares me for two reasons: 1) it could mean that I'm not strong enough to handle life, so he's made it easy for me, or 2) (and this is the one that I lean toward out of pride, but also because I know it's true) to whom much is given, much is expected....and someday, much will be expected of me. I guess I'm scared that I won't be able to handle whatever it is, and I'm scared that I will be able to handle it.

The title of my blog is "Who Said Anything About Common Sense?" One of the things I've come to believe over the course of the last few years is that common sense is something that we Western Christians have come to hide behind. We say that 'God gave us a brain, so we should use it' and not do anything crazy like walk on water, or any number of other things which were counted among the great acts of faith, simply because it "doesn't make common sense."

I guess what I really fear is that, as He's done so many other times, God will call that bluff of mine someday too. He will ask me to do something which makes no common sense...and I'll have to do it and hang the consequences because 'to whom much is given, much is expected' - and He's given me so much (and because I've been such a loudmouth against common sense).

This is what scares me and is in the back of my mind when I'm reminded of how He protected me while in Iraq (not that it was better protection than my friends,' just different - He wanted me to do more here on Earth, while their tasks were done).

So someday, when I do something crazy for the glory of God, remember that I was scared to do it.

And remember my friends:
Karen Watson (my roommate)
Larry & Jean Elliott
David & Carrie McDonnall (Carrie is the survivor)

Karen's favorite song, which we sang at their Iraqi memorial service:
"If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile"

When I can not feel
When my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel
Hidden in You
Lord you are my life
So I don't mind to die
Just as long as I
Am hidden in You

Cause I could just sit with You awhile
You could just hold me
Nothing can touch me
Though I'm wounded
Though I've died
If I could just sit with You awhile
I need You to hold me
Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

Saddm's Secrets

So the most surreal thing happened to me yesterday. I was in the Family Christian Store in Laurel, looking for a book (which they didn't have). I was on my way up to the register to ask if they had it and I just hadn't seen it, when I saw a book entitled "Saddam's Secrets" on their 'special buy' rack. Now, any book about Iraq or the middle east or Saddam catches my eye...but this one made me stop in my tracks.

It was written by a neighbor of mine when I lived there.

Now, normally, that would be an exceptionally good thing...except that General Georges and I didn't exactly see eye-to-eye on a great number of things. I didn't trust him, partly because I felt that my bosses trusted him too much (if he said "don't cook chicken on Thursday - it might be dangerous," we didn't cook chicken on Thursday, and I'm not at all exaggerating, but I think what sticks in my craw most about this aspect is that I felt he was a little too happy to be able to boss around a group of Americans); partly because he'd been high up in Saddam's government, so (regardless of his lack of participation in the Ba'ath party) was not someone to be trusted (the only people who got rich under Saddam were people that Saddam allowed to be rich, and Georges wasn't exactly hurting for cash); and partly because he helped his brother's construction company fleece our organization on a project that I was in charge of. They didn't finish the work and ended up charging us at least twice what we'd originally contracted for. This resulted in my company feeling that all of the projects that I was in charge of were "failures" (yes, that is a direct quote, given multiple times at an all hands meeting), and ultimately (this is the part that really broke my heart) causing them to prohibit me from even visiting the friends that I'd made in that area, muchless completing the projects and being true to my word to those that I'd promised to help.

So, needless to say, I don't exactly have a warm feeling when I think of Gen. Georges.

That's not to say that he didn't do some good things for us too. He's the reason that my boss got to meet and chat several times with Ambassador Paul Bremer. He's the reason that my friends who died two years ago this week were given a memorial service (attended by Amb. Bremer) at the CPA (Coalition Provisional Authority - housed in Saddam's main palace, in the "Green Zone"). His position in the CPA, and then in the interim government, helped open doors for my organization - I can't deny that.

...but, there's still not a really warm feeling for him in my heart.

I've only read the first 18 pages so far, although I'm sure I'll finish the book before week's end. I don't know if I, my bosses, our organization, or our projects are mentioned in his chapters on Iraq's rebuilding (I'll let you know, although I doubt it in some ways, and think that it's very likely in others).

Thinking self-centeredly here, did this book appear because God thinks it's time for me to let go of this resentment against Gen. Georges? Did it appear the same week my friends died for a reason? I'm not sure I want to understand Georges better. I want to hang on to that bitterness. I want to revel in the nausea that comes when I realize that Georges, who is already rich, is now getting a little richer because he's published a book and I (of all people) bought it.

But at the same time, for all that I am bitter against Georges, I know that this book speaks the truth about life under and after Saddam, and I want people to know that truth. I've not been given many opportunities to speak about that (I've been trying since I got back a year and a half ago to get a Sunday night time slot at my church, but they keep telling me that calendar's just too full - there's time for a talk about the two-week trip that the pastor (and I, and others) made to Africa, but not time to hear about the 15 months I spent overseas), and some of the people that I have spoken to either a) don't believe me, regardless of what I say; b) hear what they want to hear, regardless of what I say, or c) just don't listen....so, despite the bile that rises to my throat when I type this, I tell you, all of my faithful readers....if you really want to know the truth about life under Saddam, during the occupation, and now when the Iraqis are again in control, and you want to hear it from someone who is Iraqi who was both high up in Saddam's regime, and also high up in both the CPA and the current government. If you're not afraid of how the truth might affect your beliefs about the current (and previous) war(s) in Iraq, then read this book.

Here are its particulars:
Title: "Saddam's Secrets: How and Iraqi General Defied and Survived Saddam Hussein"
Authors: Iraqi General Georges Sada with Jim Nelson Black
Publisher: Integrity Publishers
ISBN: 1-59145-404-2
Cover price: $24.99
Family Christian Store price: $19.99 + tax
Amazon.com price: $15.74 + shipping

Once saved, always saved?

Having been raised as a Southern Baptist, I was taught very early on how we believe that once you've become a believer, then you're set for life, regardless of what you do or don't do....but that idea has troubled me lately. Let me explain why.

I'm reading Douglas Adams' post-humously-published collection of speeches, random thoughts, interviews, web postings, a short story, and an unfinished novel called "The Salmon of Doubt." Adams is probably best known for writing "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." An interesting note for those who, like me, avoided the movie because it was different from the book - apparently the book was different from the radio shows which originated the storyline, and the tv show which came after the book was different still - all at Adam's request due to the different media, and his own (and Hitchhiker's) maturing process. So, I'm going to now rent the movie at some point and see if I can enjoy it like my friends who had never read the book did because Adams never meant it to be exactly the same. (Side-side note: until C.S. Lewis comes back from the dead and says that the Narnia storyline was better in the movie than the way he wrote it, I'm still going to be wary of that movie.)

Anyway, Adams began life as a believer, which is rather unusual in England where many claim a church or denomination, but few actually ever participate in said church or denomination. When he was 18 or so, he had a "conversion" first to agnosticism, then to what he called "radical atheism," meaning that he didn't just believe that there wasn't a god, he felt that he knew that there wasn't one. He died unexpectedly at the age of 41, I believe, a few years ago, presumably still holding this belief. He explains the conversion process in this book, and says that it was initially because he realized one day (thanks to a street evangelist) that religion is not held up to the same rigors of logic that the rest of life is held to.

That just makes me sad. It makes me wish that I had met him before he died and that we'd gotten into a conversation about religion's lack of logic so that I'd been able to point him towards C.S. Lewis' non-fiction (Lewis went from childhood faith to atheism and back to faith). It also makes me sad because this man whose work I love and whose presence I'm pretty sure I would have enjoyed, died and went to hell.

Except that, according to SB tradition, he didn't because until he was 18, he was a believer.

Now, I'm not a Biblical scholar. My degrees are in aerospace engineering, not theology or religion, or even philosophy. But that just seems weird to me. Jesus says:
"And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven." (Matt. 12:31 NIV)
"I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin." (Mark 3:28-29)

Does that mean that Adams was forgiven until he decided that the Holy Spirit didn't exist, but then he wasn't forgiven anymore?

It gives me a new respect for Mormons and their practice of baptism for the dead.

It also makes my head spin because if that's the case, then salvation isn't a permanent thing like I've always been taught to believe. Granted, there's only this one sin that can take it away (not every sin like Methodists believe)...but still...

Most people are more concerned with salvation the other way around - "What if Hitler, the moment before his death, became a believer? Would he go to heaven?" What about Saddam? Since I believe that no sin is "bigger" than any other, then the short answer to those questions would be "yes." Their sin was no "bigger" than my own, so they are no more separated from God than I am. So the same salvation that works for me could work for them, even at the very last moment of their lives.

But what about the person who truly has a salvation experience as a child, but then later in life completely recants those beliefs? I'm not talking about the person who simply fails to live as I think a believer should - I'm talking about someone who actively preaches against faith in a god of any kind.

There was an article in our local paper recently about another such man. He became a believer in high school, went (by his own choice) to one of the most conservative Christian colleges in America, got multiple degrees in various aspects of religion, then gradually lost his faith (he calls himself an agnostic now) due to his studies. He now goes around speaking about how erroneous the Bible is and has written multiple books on the subject. His wife still goes to church, but he actively speaks against it.

These men both preach(ed) against Christianity, despite faith as youth.

It's not my place to judge, but the easy answer would be to say that those weren't true "conversion" experiences in their childhood (and, to be frank, Adams never recounts such an experience, he just cites active involvement in his local church). That would leave in tact SB's "once saved, always saved."

But where does that leave a friend of mine from college who says something similar? He remembers his salvation experience and knows that he truly meant it at the time...but now he doesn't quite believe all of that anymore. He's not an atheist, and not even an agnostic that I know of....but he just doesn't quite believe those same things anymore. He's not earning his living preaching/speaking against mainstream Christianity, so does that mean he's safe?

It makes me sad. It makes me curious. It makes me wish I knew where Douglas Adams was right now. It makes me want to run an experiment to see what happens with each type of belief experience...but that thought also makes me slightly ill because of the eternal ramifications for some test subjects.

I don't really know how to conclude this. Any comments, you theologians out there?