Addressing Assumptions

So I recently emailed a question to "SimpleMom" Tsh Oxenreider which has generated a lot of awesome discussion on her site.  You're welcome to chime in with your thoughts here, but it'd be more useful to more people over there.  The gist of the question is "do I give a food pantry items that I wouldn't feed to my own family?"

In reading through the comments though, it amused me the assumptions people made about me (to some extent...on the very rare occasion, people were just mean).  I didn't feel the need to respond to each comment, but if anyone cares enough to have come over here to check out who this "Melissa" person is, I wanted to clear a few things up.

First off, my children are definitely _not_ "bubble" children.  We try (as the budget allows) to eat organic, but mostly I try to just cook from scratch with whole ingredients.  It didn't even occur to me when I posed the question that it would veer off (for some) into 'Melissa must be an all-organic, all fair-trade, all free-range, all hormone-free helicopter parent' kind of thing.  Right now our priorities are whole grains (except even I can't stomach whole-grain pasta most of the time), and minimization of food dyes, artificial sweeteners, MSG, and less so things like nitrites (nitrates?) and other preservatives.  After that comes a preference for organic.  Only after that would come fair trade/free range (sadly...I understand the issues there to a limited extent, we're just not quite there in our baby steps to becoming better stewards, etc.).  That's just where we are in our process.  Someday I'd love to be all of those things (except a helicopter parent), but we're far from there.

Secondly, it really amused me the number of times it was mentioned that I have clearly never experienced poverty for myself if this is my question.  That amuses me immensely because I _HAVE_ experienced poverty, not personally, but I've definitely seen it for myself, first-hand (and not even as a visitor - I lived there for over a year) - just not necessarily in America.  The poverty (not starvation, mind you, just poverty) that I've seen has been in developing countries and war-ravaged countries.  I think poverty looks VERY different here than it does in places like Iraq and Nigeria.  And that was/is a large part of my dilemma.

In Iraq, I could absolutely have given a sack of rice with no worries to a poor person.  They would have known exactly what to do with it and would have appreciated it immensely.  In America, those in poverty don't necessarily _want_ plain rice (or any other random shelf-stable ingredient).  They want Hamburger Helper and boxed rice with other stuff that can be microwaved easily.  They want pop-top cans.

We send a 5-gallon bucket of pasta, rice, peanut butter, flour, and oil to Haiti and a family can eat for a month.  I have those same ingredients in my pantry and my babysitters' mom worries that we can't afford groceries because my cupboards are "bare."

I absolutely don't understand poverty in America.  I've never truly experienced it first-hand, and what I imagine I would want were my family in that situation are NOT the things that are listed as "needs" for the crisis food pantry at my church.  Maybe because their emphasis is on homeless rather than just poor?  I don't know.

If this question had easy answers, I would have figured it out for myself!

Fooled You!

So there for a while, I was posting almost _regularly_!  Bet you though I was gonna keep it up, didn't you?

Fooled you!


Just kidding....it's been super busy these past few weeks.  Really, I'll get back to posting here shortly.  I've got at least one book review that's overdue, another one due soon, one more "deep pondering" that's been percolating for a while (having to do, ironically, with book reviewing), and some fun stuff from the kids.

On a funny note, I had that "Fooled You!" quote in my head.  I knew it was a quote from a favorite movie, and I could picture the actor's lips (and hear his voice) as he was saying it....but it's taken me like half an hour to remember which movie it was from (Dark Helmet says it in Spaceballs).  Now I have visions of Rick
Moranis' lips stuck in my head.  Nice.

Church "Friends"

Because of may factors all coming together recently, I've come to a realization: most "church friends" are really a lot more like co-workers than they actually are friends.

Now, before I get to far into this, I want whatever non-church-going friends I have (that actually read this) to understand that I'm not so much downing the church as I am just pointing out the nature of the beast (if you will). So don't add this as another "black mark" against the church, please! :) Instead see this as an introspective on how I, personally, need to be better. Yes, it applies to much of the universal church too, but mostly it applies to me.

But back to my point. See, you have no (or little) choice about who your co-workers are going to be. But whether or not you would have been BFFs in high school, you're still expected to act "professionally" around and to them. Yes, your co-workers can be a decision point for whether or not you'll take or stay in a certain job, but unless you're the one doing the hiring, you have little say in who else works there.

Similarly, you can pick a church with people in it that you get along with and enjoy (maybe they're all in a similar life stage as you), and you can choose to leave a church if you don't get along with the people there...but really, you have no say over who is admitted into the community of people who meet in your particular church building. It's not like it's acceptable for you to stand at the door of your Sunday School class and ask for the secret handshake, kicking out anyone who doesn't know it. In fact, not only do you not have any control over who comes, but you're also expected to "love" everyone who shows up.

So how does this work itself out in the day-to-day operations of a group of people attending the same church? Well, a group is thrown together for some purpose (let's call it a committee that is supposed to administer a certain ministry or activity within the church). Now, this group will have _something_ in common (other than just attending the same church), namely they all (theoretically) have some desire to see the ministry/activity succeed. Beyond that, however, they may have nothing at all in common, especially when talking about personalities. (Thinking back to the co-workers analogy, your project team all works at the same company on the same team, but that doesn't mean that your personalities are well suited for actual friendship.)

So even though your personalities may not go well together (or may even conflict greatly), you're expected to work together towards this purpose. So just like in your office you might put on a mask of "professionalism" prior to working with these other people, in church, you'd put on the mask of "love" for everyone. You put up with them at the meeting and say hello to them if they see you at the grocery store, and when you talk to them it's only about the "work" that you do together (relating to whatever ministries you're both a part of), but you don't know (or maybe even really care) what's going on with them beyond how they get their job done as it relates to you. Maybe you know the latest news in their life through Facebook or the grapevine, but you don't really know _them_.

Do we do this on purpose? I don't think we do. I think we're just too busy to take the time to get to know people in general, and have gotten into bad habits of assuming friendship where there really isn't any.

Maybe a more apt analogy is that a church is like a family (go figure). You have no choice over who comes into it, no ability to kick people out of it, and are expected to maintain a certain level of decorum around those with whom you interact. Some families are more "functional" than others.

So how do we (I) change this? I think it has a lot to do with the follow-up. In pretty much any ministry in a church, we take the time to share "prayer requests." One of the sweetest things anyone ever did for me was call me up after a doctor's appointment they knew I'd been worried about to see how things went and if there was any way they could help. That particular person, even though she had no ministerial reason to follow up with me on that thing is someone that I know actually cares about _me_ and isn't just putting up with me.

It think it also has to do with learning to be a better conversationalist. Instead of always resorting to the easy prey of common job functions, we (I) should have in our proverbial back pockets questions about something they mentioned the last time you saw them (maybe one of those prayer requests). I know that I, for one, am TERRIBLE with small talk. It terrifies me to the point that I'll just sit there and say nothing rather than try to think up something to say to someone. Apparently that's intimidating. But if someone can get me talking, it's hard to shut me up. Occasionally I might even be funny or insightful. I wonder if, in this age of Facebook, Twitter, and texting, we have lost the ability to have normal conversations? Or maybe it's just me sucking at it and assuming that everyone else does too. I don't know. Like I said, this is introspective.

I also think that we need to stop pretending like everyone is actually friends with everyone else. Co-workers with the same goal? Sure. Friends? No. We can be on the same committee and not go to each others' birthday parties without it being a big "thing." It's ok for people to have circles of friends that do not include me (or you). And I'm not forming a clique if I want to go camping with a group that's not all-inclusive of the whole church.

But having said that, it's also not ok to ONLY ever do stuff with that one group of people to the exclusion of all others. Sure, you might be closest with a small group of folks (that's natural), but you might be missing out on a lot of wisdom and fun by not ever talking to anyone else.

I think this works both ways though. There's a great movement within the church for "authenticity." Usually this involves admitting that you curse or drink or something. I think what this should really mean is that when someone asks you in the hallway how you are, you actually stop and give them an honest answer. I'll bet you money that the next time you ask that same person how they are, they'll be honest with you as well. I'm not talking about over-sharing ("well, little Timmy's got this boil on his hiney that we can't seem to get to go away..."), I'm talking about giving something more than just "fine how are you?" as you race past each other.

I'm also talking about actually paying attention when someone is speaking to you. I know I find my eyes wandering when speaking to folks. And usually when my eyes wander, my brain isn't too far behind. And if my mind's wandering when I'm talking to someone, then I have no idea what they're saying and have been far more rude than if I'd just walked on by without saying anything at all.

Anyway....this is long and rambly. Think about the people with whom you interact (especially in a "church" setting). Think about how you actually treat them. Then try to change so that you're actually friends instead of just co-workers. Or find something you can learn from them rather than just putting up with them like you do "crazy uncle Bob." If you feel so led, share about an experience (for good or bad) in the comments.

Speaking Math

So, I'm not saying that I haven't been distracted by other things (like this and this (more to come on this later) and a meeting and chatting with my office mate and others), but part of me is wildly proud that I've made progress at work today and part of me is devastated by how small the progress was.

I'm doing a project with some people that do things (that's about the extent of my knowledge of what they do...seriously...this isn't me keeping top secret stuff from you, this is me being oblivious). On orders from a co-worker, I built a model for them (this is what I do at work - build models that exist wholly within my computer, my head, and sometimes my white board or some scratch paper. Either that or analyze things. Yes, this _is_ rocket science). But in reading the papers about the system that I modeled, I came across this other way of modeling things that I had some (albeit limited) experience with a few years back. So I started delving into that way of modeling things so that I could better understand the papers about the system.

But while I understood the text of the papers about the other way of modeling things, they would occasionally throw in a section using set theory. Set theory, my friends, is definitely _NOT_ rocket science. And by that I mean that I know almost nothing about it. I know math. I know basic physics, dynamics, statics, orbital mechanics, etc. I don't know jack about set theory. So I've spent the last several days at work trying to work through what amounts to half a page in one chapter of a book about this other way of modeling things.

My progress today? Most of two paragraphs. Two short paragraphs. And that was with the help of my office mate and his mathematician friends.

But I understand it. For reals. I _grok_ what those things mean. Transitive closure? BAM - the way to make something that's NOT transitive into something that is! Silly little symbol that I can't find anywhere other than this book that "denotes the restriction of f to B?" BAM.....ok....I've got it, but I really don't feel like explaining it to y'all. So just trust me.

Only two paragraphs left in this little half-page ("Preliminaries") section. But they start talking about alphabets and "words over" an alphabet. So I think I'll go home for the night and come back to it tomorrow.

It's been a long time since I've had to really learn something absolutely new to me. I don't remember it hurting this much. I think that makes me old.

Clothes vs. Toys vs. ...

So my SIL (disguised as my BIL) commented on my "what to get my family for Christmas this year" post. Since she raised a question that I think applies to more than her (and since I wasn't sure that she'd get my response if I only replied in the comments), I thought I'd dedicate an entire post to the question.

Basically, she stated that it sounded from my post like I'd rather the kids get clothes than toys this year. While that's true for the most part, it doesn't really capture all that's behind the scenes in that post. And since I think people think that I'm either:
a) overly-protective
b) overly-controlling
c) crazy
d) weird
e) all of the above
I wanted to explain a bit...

You see, my kids don't _need_ anything this year - they don't even really _want_ much (especially Joanna - pretty much you feed her, change her, let her sleep, and play with her occasionally and she's good). Plus, we live in a VERY SMALL condo that's already stuffed to overflowing with four people, a cat, a 55-gallon fish tank, a piano, and all the "stuff" that goes with all of that. At this point, more stuff is pretty much one of the largest sources of stress for (and between) me and VNB. Couple that with the fact that we both scored amazingly low (as in, I got a 0 and he got a 2, I think) on "Gift-giving" as our love language, and getting gifts just isn't important to us.

On the other hand though, we recognize that gift-giving is one way that people _OTHER_ than ourselves show us how much they love us and our kids and we don't want to completely take away that source of fulfillment for them. Nor do we want to deprive our kids of the "fun" of Christmas/birthdays (although we also don't want them to _expect_ gifts, but rather be grateful for any that come).

So, my solution thus far has been to post/email a list of the things that can be given to us which will make us (me) the least crazy while giving the most joy to (or meeting the thing that comes closes to a need for) the kids. Giving them a new VeggieTales DVD, for instance, will still add to the stuff that we have, but it will also give us another viewing option for when we're watching kids DVDs All. Day. Long. So I think the amount of craziness equals out. And while I really have no idea where we'd permanently store a board game for AJ, I also know that those will help him learn to count, which is rather high on my "to do" list at the moment (right now he can get to "eleben" sometimes).

But really, what would I _RATHER_ they have? I'd rather they get something small and you either give the rest of the money you would have spent to someone who really needs it, you save it (or give it to us to save) for someday when they want a car or to go to college or something. The kids aren't going to miss it either way.

The problem is going to come in when we have a bigger place (so I don't have that excuse anymore), but I still don't really want to them/us get any more stuff . We live in such a consumer culture. I _WANT_ my kids to learn to live simply (and _I_ want to be able to live simply) a) so that others might "simply live" (i.e., so that we can give more away), and b) so that they can learn from the beginning that gifts are something not that they are entitled to, but something which are completely unnecessary expressions of love and which should be accepted with gratitude, not expectation.

So that's what's going on in my head. Scary place, huh? It's not that we're ungrateful for any gift you would give us...I just want to maximize the joy it brings to us since I know that will maximize the joy you get in giving it.

La-dee-dah....

Yeah...I got nothin' today....

Uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm.....

Some enchanted eeee-v'ning.....
You will meet a stranger.....
You will hear him call you....
Across a crow-ded room....

That's what's going through my head right now.

And now I need to go wipe someone else's butt and then get that butt into bed.

I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major General

Ok...so I'm not really, but that song is running through my head as I scamper about keeping balls in the air.

Let's see....the in-laws (of both sides) will be glad to know that VNB found our camera last night, so pictures will abound as much as ever again. Woohoo! (Really, I promise - at the very least we can actually _take_ them again, even if I don't manage to post them ever.)

But even other than that amazing find, the world is a little topsy-turvy for me right now - nothing at all bad, just lots and lots to do and keep track of. Once next week is over, things "should" settle down again...but then I think I've been saying that since June.

So this Sunday starts the collection of clothes for our "first annual" (that means that it's the first time we've done it and theoretically we want to do it again, but let's see how this first one goes first, mmm'kay?) clothing swap. So people will drop off their "gently-used" clothing at the church Sunday, Oct 4 - Friday, Oct 9th. My small group (and hopefully some others) will sort the clothes and they'll be given out to church members on Friday night (Oct 9th) and the community on Saturday (Oct 10th). We'll take canned food donations at the door, but they're not required. Just please don't take all of our clothes in order to sell them at your own yard sale. That would be kinda rude. Click here for directions.

So theoretically, by Friday we'll have everything sorted out and people will come and take what they need. That may or may not happen though because the room that we've been assigned (which is probably too small anyway) isn't free until after MOPS on Thursday. So Wednesday we'll be seeing what's there and doing what we can out in the hallway and maybe on the front of the stage, then Thursday after MOPS we'll really start the mad sorting.

But wait...there's more...so I'm supposed to sing on Sunday morning with the praise team which means rehearsal Wednesday night...and since I'm there anyway, I might as well stay a little later to help set up for MOPS the next day.

And in MOPS the next day I'm in charge of the "creative activity" which this month is wrapping Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. Last year we had like 50 boxes to wrap and I think we managed to wrap about 25 at the actual meeting, but ended up at about 100 boxes total...most of which I wrapped myself. So there's probably going to be a shoebox wrapping station at the welcome desk (or whatever) for the clothing swap....because we're supposed to have them all wrapped and ready to be handed out on Sunday the 11th.

But wait...there's more! So Sunday at church we'll also have Christian artist Shaun Groves at the church to sing and talk about the work of Compassion, International. He'll be in the services on Sunday morning, but will also be doing a concert on Sunday night. We've been working on this concert since um....May, I think....but only got firm confirmation that he was coming last Friday (lots and lots of reasons for that, not the least of which is my own penchant for procrastination) and only got the contract in hand yesterday. Which means that all the advertising that I've been putting off needs to be done YESTERDAY!!!! So the church is printing posters and I'll pick them up tonight to start posting in various places. Announcements (for both the concert and the clothing swap) went out in the Fall Festival bags last weekend and there's been stuff in the bulletin, but I just posted stuff to local radio station events pages today.

And I'm also tying up loose ends at work for lots of stuff as we come down to the wire for this spacecraft that I'm working on.

And my power adaptor for my laptop stopped being recognized by my system so I'm having to track down a new one of those and tech support doesn't believe that I know the difference between a power adaptor failure and a battery failure.

So I just feel like I've got 500 balls in the air. I've got lots of help with most of them, but there are so many things vying for my attention right now that it's hard to focus on anything. Especially with random VeggieTales songs (or Gilbert & Sullivan, as the case may be) stuck in my head.

Ok...but I'm at work now, so I should focus on work. And stop blogging about all I have to do that I need to focus on...

Oh, and did I mention that I've had several people now ask if Joanna knows how to talk? It would appear that she can answer yes/no questions. And might possibly know how to say "Cat." The Cat part is pretty normal...and saying "yes" or "no" isn't too far from normal...but actually answering questions? That's something that AJ still can't do reliably. And he's no dummy. But that would be like scary advanced - not only understanding the words in the question, but the form of question/answer itself AND being able to correctly respond, depending on the question. It's really a lot, if you think about it.

Ok....but to work....for real....no more distractions...got stuff I need to do....

Oh yeah...I've got to write a review of the latest MOPS book they sent me!!! When is that due....

Quiet

Our small group has gone home, the kids are in bed, VNB's gone to bed, the TV is off and all is quiet.

I've got piles of dishes in (and around) the sink, puffed rice cereal all over the floor, books and toys scattered about, a dining room table that's practically in my lap right now (it's so big with all the leaves in for the small group that came tonight and our house is so small)...but it's quiet. And there's no one using me for a jungle gym.

Back 10,000 years ago, before I went overseas, this was what it was like all the time (well, the TV was on occasionally). Then it was _too_ quiet. Now it's a welcome respite from the noise...but at the same time, the noise is a welcome respite from the world.

Even with all its flaws, this house is home because the people who sleep under its roof are my family - people (some smaller than others) for whom I am ceaselessly grateful and absolutely amazed to be able to call "mine."

Someday (in sha'allah), the kids will grow up, move out into the big, wide world, meet people, get married, and start families of their own. But even then, they will still be "mine" (and VNB's pretty much stuck with me "till death do us part").

And in these rare moments of quiet, I can dream dreams for them (and for us). I can pray that they will be successful in every way that the world calls "success." I can pray that they never want for anything important. I can pray that they have strong marriages and healthy families.

But mostly...mostly what I want for them is that they follow God's will for their lives, no matter where that takes them. And now that I'm a parent myself, I understand the terror that statement invokes (so, um, thanks Mommy and Daddy for supporting me in the whole "I'm going to Iraq" thing!)...but alongside the terror comes peace. Peace that God's in control and will continue to be whenever they are called to do whatever it is they will do.

But mostly peace that I don't need to worry about that today. Today I get to worry about laundry and potty training and random things they put in their mouths. Today there is noise. And every now and again, there is quiet.

Have We Got A Show For You!

So AJ's new potty rewards system is that before he can watch a DVD, he has to sit on the potty for 5 minutes. I sit there with him and we read a book, but it has to be done before any new DVD can go in the DVD player.

First up this morning was "A Snoodle's Tale" from VeggieTales. I was feeding Joanna her breakfast as it was playing and she got her first bite right around the time the opening song was starting. Bob the Tomato was singing the words "if a squash can make you smile" just as her first bite was approaching her mouth and she was therefore rejoicing by smiling a big ol' smile and kicking her feet.

On the spoon approaching her mouth? Squash. I guess that means VeggieTales is the show for her. There are worse things.

Not at all related to that is the fact that I'd like to record for posterity that Joanna has been successfully pulling up for over a week now and has almost mastered the art of getting back down without hurting herself (almost). She can also occasionally move a step or so, but mostly she's stuck in a single spot once she's standing. Similarly, for the last week or so, AJ has actually been hopping (two feet off the ground). He can even jump off of things. Fortunately, he's not brave enough to jump off of much (yet). Mostly just curbs.

And not at all related to that is the fact that it's always amusing to look at my site counter stats because the visiting IPs usually fall into one of two categories: 1) friends/family - I can tell who you are for the most part by where your IP is located (hi new grad student in Wheaton, IL!) and 2) people who get to my site by searching for the combination of unisom and vitamin B-6 (anti-nausea OTC meds that I took while pregnant with Joanna).

Anyway, have any of you noticed (as I have, although I haven't checked to see exactly how accurate this is) that I always seem to start my posts with the word "So...?" I'm not sure what that means.

"Vacation" Recovery

So, our vacation was supposed to be the last week in July. We were going to stop by VNB's folks for the night on our way to the swamp where my dad was Rangering this summer, followed by a few days at Myrtle Beach with my fam (including my younger siblings), followed by a few more days with VNB's fam.

But then VNB's grandfather went into the hospital just after 4th of July. He was still in full control of his faculties, but organs were slowing and shutting down and he wasn't expected to ever go home. But hospice had him on their "six-month plan," so we bumped our vacation up by a week just to make sure we got there while he was still functioning, but fully expected that he'd make it several months after we visited (if not longer). Moving our vacation up by a week threw our plans all out of whack, but everyone understood. We even called my younger siblings to see if they could move their trip up by a couple of days so that they'd still get to see us.

So we arrived in Cary, NC (where VNB's parents live) Friday night (the 17th), planning to make the 1.5 hr trip to Greensboro (where his grandfather was) the next morning. Before we (in our "we're on vacation" mindset) managed to get all of us dressed and ready to go, my father-in-law got a call from the nursing home that VNB's grandfather (and my FIL's dad) had died.

Now, we hadn't been told how much pain his grandfather was in, and he was an old man who'd lived a good, long life. We know he was a believer too, so there's no doubt in our minds where he is. All in all, it was hard for everyone to be too sad. I'm sure it'll hit VNB when the holidays come around, but in the meantime it doesn't really affect our day-to-day too much. We're all doing surprisingly well. And really...he's out of pain now. And in heaven with both of his wives that he outlived. And he'd lived a long life (just turned 86). It's hard to be too sad about that.

VNB, my FIL, and my bro-in-law hopped in the car to take care of things in Greensboro while us womenfolk (and the kids) stayed in Cary for the day. VNB was very proud to bring home his grandfather's WWII medals (he was a Marine) and we spent the evening Googling to find out what each of them was.

Anyway, our plans being in even more disarray, I called my mom to tell her what was happening and she told me that my younger siblings had not only been able to change their plans, but they were actually already on their way! So we called them and got them to stop at VNB's parents' house for the night since we'd be tied up with the funeral for most of the time they'd be in town.

Sunday, VNB, the kids, and I went to his home church while his family went to Greensboro to clean his grandfather's house and make all the arrangements. Sunday night, we got to hear VNB's former youth pastor talk about his family's missionary work in Indonesia.

Monday morning was spent. Literally. We'd found a few jackets and pants that VNB could fit into between friends and family, but not a suit befitting his grandfather's funeral, so we happened upon an S&K that was going out of business and bought VNB a new suit for 60% off! We also got a few other odds and ends that we needed (all told, we spent about $400 that morning!), then came back to his parents' house in time for lunch and the trip to Greensboro for the viewing. On the way there, I typed as Ryan dictated what he wanted to say in his eulogy for his grandfather.

While a friend of VNB's sister watched the kids, we went to the viewing and I shook the hands of and hugged a lot of people I know marginally and a few more that I've never met before. The funeral was the next morning. VNB did great giving his eulogy (although we didn't get as many laughs as we were expecting), then we all packed into the car and drove to Myrtle Beach.

We spent the evening introducing AJ to the ocean. It started out with him not wanting to get near it and ended up with us having to keep him from running into it! Unfortunately, my dad had taken off of work for the week that we had originally planned to come down and couldn't change the dates, so he had to go back to Columbia, SC very early the next morning to Congaree National Park. But we spent the late morning and early afternoon at the beach, then came back for naps. That night the kids went with my mom and siblings to play mini-golf while VNB and I had dinner.

VERY early the next morning, my younger siblings had to head back. My mom and our family went to the Ripley's Aquarium in the morning, then spent a little more time on the beach in the afternoon. By the end of the second day at the beach, I think everyone's expectations of what "AJ going in the water" meant finally matched up, so everyone had a good time...until AJ got tired and sunburned and wanted to keep walking south along the beach rather than coming back north to where our stuff was. That wasn't particularly happy, but at least he'll probably enjoy the beach when we go again (up here) in mid-September.

Since AJ hadn't gotten to see much of his "PawPaw" (my dad), since my mom assured us there was a GREAT children's museum in Columbia, and since my dad didn't have to be at work until 2 that day, we drove Friday morning to Columbia (3 hrs), met my dad at the museum, and played until he had to go to work. Then we played a little longer, ate lunch, then met him at Congaree to take a tour of the boardwalk they have over their swamp. It's only about a 2.5-mi loop which we totally could have done, but AJ was melting down, VNB had hurt his foot, and my mom was having trouble keeping up, so we turned back after about half a mile. So then we said goodbye to PawPaw and headed back to Myrtle Beach.

The next morning we packed up what was left of our stuff and headed back (4 hrs) to Cary. We went to church with his family Sunday morning, had lunch, then drove back home to MD. All told, we were in the car for about 27 hrs over the course of the week. With an infant and a toddler. It's a wonder we're not all crazy. Oh, wait... ;p

I would have updated the blog from the road, but my dear husband has something against me telling everyone on the internets that our house is unoccupied for a week (well, except for the cat and fish). Something about the crazies on the internets taking all of our belongings and us not even knowing about it for several days. Sweet man. It would never even occur to me to think about something like that. Good thing I've got him around to take care of me!

Anyway, in the week _since_ we got back from vacation, we've gotten into the car as little as possible, Joanna has cut her first tooth and started sitting up on her own (not only unsupported, but I'd leave her lying on her back, blink, and she'd be sitting up on her bottom - pictures of both to come), and AJ has started potty training (don't worry - no pics of this one).

Wait...when's vacation again?

Beginning My "Jesus" Year

So yesterday was my 33rd birthday (thanks Mommy! I appreciate you popping me out SOOO much more now that I've done it myself a couple of times!). Some people call your 33rd year on Earth your "Jesus" year since that's when his Earthly ministry ended. Not all of the important stuff happened that year, but a whole lot of it did. We'll have to see what it brings me. (Oh, and happy 5th birthday, free Iraq!)

Leading up to my birthday, God gave me His present - a new, fabulous job! I'm working at Johns Hopkins University's Applied Physics Lab. I'm working with some former co-workers and customers (a.k.a. "old friends") doing stuff that I enjoy doing! They have a new laptop for me and _TWO_ ginormous screens (and a docking station) for when I'm in the office. Right now, that's daily mostly in the afternoons. In a couple of weeks, I'll start working most days from home. The main reason that I haven't posted about this (or anything else) since I started two weeks ago is that they became aware of a cyber attack the day before I started and today's the first day that they've restored complete internet access to us. They're paying me (way) more, they're a (way) better organization overall, they value me as an employee (way) more, they've bent over backwards to do everything possible to make working for them as convenient for me as they can. And did I mention that I'm working with friends doing stuff that I love? :) It's _GREAT_!

It's been hard being away from the kids even though it was just the afternoons, but we've got a friend watching them for us and they're really enjoying her. Plus I'm really only missing lunch, naps, and the post-nap whiny period. For the most part, I'm ok with that. :) It _has_ been difficult trying to keep the house "company" ready-ish and getting stuff like grocery shopping done while still pumping enough to meet Joanna's needs while I'm away, picking up our friend (who is currently car-less), and getting to work "on time" (which is really just a requirement I set for myself - no one here cares when I get here). But we're making it work!

Joanna was 6 months old last Tuesday, so we started with the solid foods. She's not the fan of carrots that her big brother used to be. Didn't mind the peaches so much, but just isn't as into eating solids as AJ was at 4 months! It's still amazing to me how different they can be!

Hopefully she'll do alright with them though because the next two weekends we'll be apart for significant periods of time and I'm not sure I'll be able to pump enough. My folks are sending me and VNB to a little B&B on St. Michaels this Friday night (with babysitting included since my mom's flying up Friday morning and staying through Monday morning). Then the following weekend, we're taking our first family-of-four camping trip with a big group of friends. The group is leaving Friday night, but I've got a meeting till late, so I'll be away from her a good bit of the evening, then most of us (myself included!) are going white water rafting on Saturday. So I'll spend this week and next downing my "Mother's Milk" tea and eating oatmeal cookies to boost my production as much as possible.

But speaking of which, I need to go pump. So things are good! I just haven't had time in the mornings to post anything.

Odds and Ends

So my local grocery store (Giant) has occasionally been sending out these special coupons that triple coupons up to $.99. The latest round expired today and I had a (rare) opportunity to go to the grocery store sans kids, so we made good use of them. My favorite deal was the Ziplock containers I got. Regular price: $3.50. After two tripled $.75 off coupons, they were $1.25 each. That by itself was a great deal, but then when I scanned them at the check out, the Catalina machine printed out a coupon for $1.50 off your "next" order (as a "thank you" from Ziplock), which made them $.50 each. I'm a little proud of myself. :) If only they had been on sale too. That would have been the ultimate jackpot.

In "good"-ish news, we paid off our other car yesterday! We've been socking away the dough the past few months and had built up a decent "down payment" fund (and by "we," I mean my darling financial whiz of a husband). But then we realized how impossible it would be to sell our current place even for what we bought it for (making the "down payment" fund into the "closing costs" fund)...and given that even refinancing right now would cost us most of that fund...we began looking for other possible uses. The car payment was the clear winner since we have no other consumer debt (this just leaves us with student loans and mortgage - go us!). Adding to our decision was the phone call I had with my division directors and HR contact at work on Tuesday. They just don't have any work for me right now. They hope to really soon, but nothing right now. So they're moving me to "occasional" status which means that instead of being salaried, I only get paid for the hours I work. They'll (theoretically) move me back to salaried once they get work again that will fill my time. So, given less money coming in, even though it took most of our nest egg, we figured it would be a good idea to get rid of a payment if we could. And we could. So we did. And we're staying in our tiny little condo for the foreseeable future. But looking on the bright side, we just paid off our car! Woohoo! :)

And two rants:

Like it wasn't bad enough hearing the stupid commercials and PSA for the "great changeover" to DTV for like a year and a half (believe me, I wish I were exaggerating)...but now they decide to _extend_ the deadline to June?!!! Another FOUR WHOLE MONTHS? Please just shoot me now.

And finally, why can't websites just _tell_ you that your login ID is your email address? I mean seriously. Every single stinking website nowadays wants you to register and while I have the same login info for most, there is _NO_WAY_ for me to remember which websites actually use a login ID, and which use your email address instead (and don't get me started on trying to remember which ones require a number and/or uppercase letter...). I vote that the websites that use your email address change all of their "login ID"s to "email address"es. And state their password requirements next to the password box. It would save everyone a lot of "lost" passwords.

Thank you, and have a nice day!

Future Butterfly

I know every mom does it, but I've found myself just staring at this little girl for...well...minutes at a time and wondering what she's going to do and be when she gets older. I wonder who she's going to marry and what she's going to enjoy and if her hair will be curly or straight. I wonder if it's even possible for her to be as sweet and wonderful as her older brother.

And then I stop. Because I don't remember wondering those things about him. Granted, at the time I'd been through like 5 of the 7 major life changes (let's see: moving (3 times in the States and twice between different countries in the course of about 18 months); finish a degree; start/end a job (did both twice in that same 18-ish months); marry; pregnancy and birth of a baby - the only ones I didn't do were a death and a divorce) in just over a year so I was a little overwhelmed with catching up to life. Plus, AJ just didn't sleep. Comparing him to his sister, he _REALLY_ didn't sleep. For months. Partly my fault. Mostly just him.

But back to my point. I was a "little" out of it by the time AJ came along and basically just in survival mode. That doesn't leave much room for day dreams. But I also think it was because I had no idea what to expect, so no idea what to day dream about for him.

With Joanna, I've seen how great her big brother is, I've had a little more time to figure life out again, I'm healing MUCH faster, and I'm getting WAY more sleep. As a result, I have the time and ability to dream dreams for my little girl.

I think it's more than that though. When I look at AJ, I get an overwhelming sense of exuberant joy and bone-deep sweetness. When I look at Joanna, I get an overwhelming sense of possibility. I think it's just intrinsically who she is and who he is. Even right now when all she does is eat, sleep, poop, cry, and burp (and hold her head up a little and follow her mama with her eyes!), she just exudes possibility in a way that AJ never did and still doesn't, despite his obvious intelligence. That's not to say that he's not going to make a mark in this world or that she's not going to be sweet in her own way, just that their natures shine through even before they take their first steps or say their first words.

I think I had this idea that babies are blank slates who are mostly shaped by their environment. I mean, sure, we all have our own unique natural leanings, but I guess I just thought that Joanna would resemble her brother more at this point.

Geez...this blog post has been percolating in my head for a week now and it's still all rambley. Sorry. Hopefully y'all won't think I'm putting down either of my children because I'm not. I'm excited to see what the future holds for both of them and I expect great things of both of them (although my definition of "great" may be different than most)...I'm just in awe of their uniqueness, even when all you can see is their head sticking out of a "baby burrito" (or more romantically, a cocoon enveloping the caterpillar while it metamorphoses into a butterfly - but baby burrito is funnier and quicker to type).

I dunno...maybe that's why her middle name is Hope.

In the Stillness of Naptime...

That sounds like a poem title that they'd make you read in high school.

But instead of a poem, you get my random stream of consciousness again...

So last night I filled up the car with gas. At $1.75 a gallon (minus our 5% discount for using the Shell card at the Shell station, which I would highly recommend). The thing is, I remember exactly when gas got to be $1.75 in the first place (i.e., the last time it was that "cheap"). I went on a trip to Nigeria with some folks from church back before VNB and I were married. When we left, gas was an "astronomical" $1.50-ish. When we got back, it had "skyrocketed" up to $1.75 and we were all shocked at the change in price in so short a time period. This was late August of 2005 and Hurricane Katrina might have been building in the Atlantic at the time. So anyway, it's been over three years since gas was this cheap. Just thought you'd like to know.

Yesterday I also was sent another rumor on the astronaut hopefuls email list. This time, someone had heard from someone who'd actually talked to someone in the selection office that if the references hadn't been contacted by now, they weren't gonna be and therefore I'm not in the "highly qualified" group this time around. But they'd also heard from people close to the selection office that references might be contacted throughout the interview process (which ends in January). I'm still gonna keep checking the mail through Thanksgiving, but I'm pretty sure I didn't make the cut this time around. :( Oh well, the only people I know of who got picked on their first try are the Mercury 7. Granted, I haven't done _any_ research in that regard, but it makes me feel better.

Heh....so much for the "stillness of naptime." He took forever to actually go to sleep, but he woke up right when he normally does (lately anyway). And he's quiet again. Yay for dozing back off!

And he's crying again...

And quiet...

Anyway, and I found out this morning that my mom's gonna be able to come into town for the weekend (which happens to also be my baby shower)! She's coming tomorrow night and staying through Wednesday afternoon! Woohoo! I planned the date of my wedding shower so that both my folks and my (future) in-laws could be there...which happened to be a date that almost no one else could come. My in-laws made it to AJ's baby shower, but it was looking like this was going to be a "friends only" shower this time around. So yay for my Mommy!

So two nights ago I got into bed probably around 10...and by midnight had given up on getting to sleep, so I got back up and piddled around until 2. At which point I slept pretty well until VNB's alarm went off, then slept again until AJ woke up. Last night I got to sleep around 11:30 or 12 and slept until 2:45 when I woke up thirsty. Getting up to get a drink (and go to the bathroom and eat a few more tums) woke me up enough that I couldn't get back to sleep. I kept trying until 4 when I gave up again. I stayed up until VNB's alarm went off (5-ish), then crawled back into bed as he was in the midst of his morning "hit the snooze button several times" routine. I remember him getting into the shower, but not out, so I slept from about 5:20 until AJ woke up right around 8. The last two days, I've almost actually napped while AJ did (I actually put the computer down and closed my eyes and did my best to get comfortable, which is impossible at this point and one of the main reasons that I'm not sleeping). Today, despite being just absolutely wiped out, I stayed awake. Hopefully I'll be so exhausted by bedtime that I'll conk right out and sleep through till morning (yeah, right...that's what I thought _last_ night). I really don't mind the lack of sleep so much as I mind the extra queasiness that goes along with it. I'm really tired of being sick.

So woohoo for being "full term" on Saturday!

Ok...that's it...he's asking to get out of his crib now. I have to stop pretending to ignore it.

Dagnabbit

After my second trip out to the mailbox today, I realized that it's Veteran's Day and hence no mail. Dagnabbit. I mean, I'm extremely grateful to our veterans - I can't help but see a guy or gal in uniform (especially in pictures) and hope that it's one of my buddies from my time overseas. But did the USPS have to take today off too? Don't they know I'm waiting for important information? Do my needs mean nothing to them?

Oh...right...pseudo-governmental organization.

Does walking up the stairs twice (plus going to my appointment this morning) count as my exercise for the day? I think it should. Maybe my laziness has biased me.

Anyway, yay for our veterans ("Freedom is not free"). Boo USPS. And "Happy Birthday" (yesterday) to my little brother (yes I remembered to call him).

Randomness

So more stream of consciousness from me today...

I had my 34-week check-up this morning at which the midwife was pretty sure the baby was, indeed, head-down and ready to go! Woohoo! Now if the heartburn would just stop. And the itching. And, you know...everything else that's uncomfortable....and this would be a "normal" pregnancy finally. Actually, the heartburn, itching, and uncomfortableness _are_ "normal pregnancy" unfortunately. But I'm still waiting for that "glowy" feeling that pregnant mamas are supposed to have. You know, the joy of new life growing inside of me. I keep hearing that I'm supposed to feel that way. Maybe someone should mention that to my back. And my esophagus. And my skin. And everything else that hurts, itches, or is just uncomfortable in some way.

But I _do_ have to say that this definitely feels different than the end of AJ's pregnancy did. I didn't get the "about to drop a bowling ball" feeling until about five hours before he was born. This one still has about six weeks to go (or thereabouts) and I already feel that way whenever I stand up. It's a rather...interesting...sensation.

So I'm a member of all sorts of online survey sites and things of that nature in an attempt to make a couple of easy bucks here and there. So far I've probably made like $0.000000000000000005/hr that I've spent filling out surveys and the like (and that includes the $30 I got for showing up to an online focus group just barely in time, which meant that they were already full and I didn't have to do anything). But today there was a pleasant surprise from the UPS man - 54 Luvs diapers for us to test out. Considering that Luvs is our normal brand of choice anyway, they basically just gave us $10. And I didn't even know it was coming!

Now if NASA would just hop on that "unexpected surprise" bandwagon. The mail hadn't come when I checked around one Veggie Tales video ago. Is it a bad reflection on me for me to measure time in Veggie Tales videos? There are worse things for AJ (and me) to watch. And he's started asking for "Bob." He really means Larry, but whatever - it's a nice break from "Ta" (Thomas) or "May/Vroom vroom" (Mater from the movie Cars, although I think he really means Lightning McQueen - hence the "vroom vroom").

So there ya go...this is what I think of during the afternoons.

Home Again

So we drove back from NC today. Well over 5 hrs in a car, if you include the stop at one of VNB's college friends' houses to meet a new baby and all of the other pit stop breaks.

AJ slept for about 2.5 of those hours and pretty much entertained himself the rest of the time. We're still surprised, given that he screamed most of the way down there.

Still no word from NASA, although there are people on the Astronaut Hopefuls Yahoo! Group that have been asked to come down to interview without having their references checked. There's speculation that the selection office is trying to catch up from...well, the poster said Hurricane Rita, but I'm pretty sure they meant Gustav. Still a few weeks of hope.

Boy am I ready to not be pregnant anymore. I mean, I'm looking forward to Baby #2, but right now overpowering that is the desire to be done with pregnancy. I can't tell you how great it's been the last two days to have about half an hour of feeling "normal" before the morning (slight) nausea set in. But seriously...7.5 months of nearly constant nausea? Are you kidding me? Not to mention other stuff. I'm so ready to be done.

But in the meantime, AJ has decided that the baby is hungry, so he just finished sharing his chicken finger with the baby through my belly button.