Enough

So on Saturday, I got pretty much the whole day without my darling kiddoes. It was both blissful and painful all at the same time. Blissful because I got to be an adult all day without anyone hanging off of me while attending a great training for MOPS leaders and then Amplified. And painful because not only was I without my darling, wonderful husband (who was watching our children all day, despite being called into work at the last minute) and my adorable little ones, I was also without some of the necessary pieces of my breast pump. By the end of the day, we'll just say that I was...full...

Anyhoo...it was a beautiful day, so I got to drive with the windows down, singing along with the radio (or at times with the radio off and just in silence!!!). And it was freeing! It's so rare that I'm actually _alone_ in a car anymore. That used to be my time to sit and chat with God, and I have to say that it's one of the things I've missed most since being a mommy. Well, that's how I used to think of it anyway. But since I had probably two hours of "alone time" while driving to and fro on Saturday, I think I have come to a startling realization.

I am seriously lacking in angst in my life right now. That's totally not a bad thing to lack and I certainly don't miss it, but it gives me far less to "chat" with God about in those rare moments when we _are_ alone. Looking back, I think our "chats" used to revolve a lot around the "things" I wanted in life (pretty much just a husband and kids, back in the day), and now that I have those "things," I don't know what to talk about.

Makes me wonder exactly how self-centered my relationship with Him was in those days, constantly asking Him why I wasn't getting the things I wanted at the times that I wanted them. Heh...reminds me of a certain young man I popped out a few years back who is still learning the concept of "yes, but later."

Wow...this is totally not the blog post I expected it to be. How do I expect my 2-yr-old to understand a concept that I didn't get when I was 27? And still probably wouldn't get if there were anything I wanted RIGHT NOW. I wonder how many times _I_ got put into "time out" and had those "things" taken away because _I_ wouldn't stop pouting? Now there's a point to ponder...

Anyway...I've noticed a lot of other bloggers lately talking about the concept of "Enough." C.S. Lewis touches on it in "Perelandra" (the 2nd book in his "Space Trilogy") when Ransom eats the special fruit. He recognizes that the ample crop would allow him to eat as many of the fruits as he wanted to...but something holds him back after the first one or two. By indulging (or over-indulging), he would be taking away some of the "special-ness" of the fruit. And by waiting in between each taste of the fruit, he got to savor the memory of the last special meal and eagerly anticipate the next.

What I have now is "enough" and then some. Yes, we could stand to have more money, but we have enough for our needs right now. Yes, we could stand to have a bigger house, but we have enough for our needs right now. We could have nicer cars, a bigger TV, phones that can do everything, all the toys AJ and Joanna could ever want....but what we have right now is enough for our needs (and then some).

And now that I recognize that, I can see how shallow my interactions with God were back in the day when all I'd do was complain about what I didn't have. Now I've just gotta figure out what else there is to talk about with Him.

One thing for sure is to thank Him that He has _far_ more patience as a parent than I have. And self-control. Dude...if I had to deal with whiny me while being all powerful? Let's just say that there'd be a whole lot more lightning bolts.