Open Letter to Crest Pro-Health

Dear Crest Pro-Health,

When you tell me that, unlike other brands, Crest Pro-Health "protects [among other things] gingivitis and plaque," you make me want to avoid your product. Why would I want a toothpaste that keeps gingivitis and plaque safe? And yet that's what that woman in a white lab coat tells me with a smile every time your commercial comes on. Like it's a good thing. To protect gingivitis and plaque. Are they going extinct? Do they really _need_ our protection? If so, wouldn't it be _far_ more protective for us to not brush our teeth at all?

These are the thoughts that run through my head every time I see your commercial. I don't think that's the message you're trying to get across. If it _is_, then I apologize for taking up your time, but I ask that you find a way to return to me the brain cells that I have expended in trying to answer these questions every time I see your commercial.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Princess Leia