Thursday, December 14, 2006

Toting the Weary Load...

We're coming to the end of the line here in terms of the pregnancy, thank goodness. It's really not that I think we're completely prepared to be parents or anything, nor have I really given much thought at all to what the baby will be like, even though I keep hearing that that's what all expectant mothers's just that gestating a baby is hard, exhausting work. I have never been so tired in my life. Our house is a complete wreck right now, but I just can't get up the energy to do anything to fix that. We've got a Christmas tree....that has nothing on doesn't help that we're also getting in the cabinets for the kitchen that we ordered days before VNB's car died. He's putting those in himself, so right now every available space in the kitchen (and dining room) is overtaken by what was in the old cabinets which have already come down. The rest of the house is overtaken by clutter and or new cabinets, still in their boxes.

BUT, there IS a light at the end of this tunnel. While I've had something to do every evening since last Friday (last Thursday was my last free evening, and the earliest I've gotten home since then was about 8:30 PM...after leaving most mornings around 5:45 AM), we have the next two evenings completely free!!!!! VNB can work on the cabinets (once he gets the "pantry" cabinet in - and that's the first, apparently - a lot of the kitchen clutter can find a new home), and I can rest and do small projects (tonight's assignment is actually to clean out the cars as they weren't exactly "neat" either). Yay! And then after our last Christmas musical performance on Sunday night, we've got an entire WEEK of free evenings!!!! Followed by a "date" on Saturday and Christmas Eve services on Sunday, followed by another whole WEEK of free evenings (well, we're having dinner with his aunt and uncle one night, but that's not _so_ bad in terms of staying out late, etc.) _AND_ at least one day off of work for each of us, _AND_ my folks will be in town visiting, which might raise VNB's stress level some (mostly because he's worried about not getting the kitchen back together before they get here), but it'll help with mine considerably, I think. Then it's New Year's and then the last ~two weeks before Baby finally appears.

But that last month, we've got NOTHING. No FAITH training, no choir rehearsals, no specifically-planned group activities. If we go out, it'll be because we just want to hang out with each other and/or with friends. And the rest of the time, we'll be home being homebodies and resting before the "big show." :)

And I am looking forward to that, let me tell you. Last night, the last night of the marathon week, I had made it almost the whole way through the rehearsal. I wasn't standing to sing in order to save my strength for the weekend, but even so it was hard. And when we got to the very last song, just out of the blue, I had to fight back tears of exhaustion. I think it was because, at that moment, I was hit by the realization that on Saturday and Sunday I get to do, not only what I'd done that night (and to a lesser extent on Monday night as well), but do it while standing a good bit of the time, in a black dress, and with even more stage lights turned on at times (making it just that much hotter). And when the choir spontaneously decided to drop their music (not a song I have memorized, which adds stress), sway (extra motion and heat), and clap (something that requires concentration at least at times), I think I just couldn't take any more. I'd mostly gotten control of myself by the time the song ended, but I think the guy next to me must have seen some of the emotion because when he sat down, he promptly told me to go home. Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth (and knowing that everyone would completely understand), I got up, got VNB's attention, and we left. And it was good.

I'm not necessarily ready for a baby, but I'm definitely ready to not be pregnant anymore. I should be "trading it all for the joy of the Lord," but right now I'm just fighting to stay upright and not cry from the strain.

But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I really hope it's not a train.

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