Saturday, September 25, 2004

My Place in This World

I know many of you think I'm crazy. Who would want to live in Baghdad right now? And why is it so traumatic to me to be kept out for a few weeks when I wasn't really doing much before I left anyway?

I don't really know what to tell you. I have no idea why I should go back. I just know that I should. As much as I miss all of you and would love to see you again, like at Christmas Eve, I'm reassured that right now there's no place I'd rather be than in Baghdad. It's just _right_.

I think a lot of it has to do with trusting that God will protect me. People tell me how brave or courageous I am...but is it really courage if you're just not afraid at all? It seems to me that courage is doing something despite your fears.

I've always been somewhat "binary" in nature, meaning that it's usually all or nothing with me. I've never really been good at "medium." My enjoyment of logic and reason only add to this. We read all of the Scriptures about God taking care of us and us not needing to be afraid, and yet we'll only trust Him so far, then "common sense" kicks in. We start contemplating the "what ifs" and begin to worry.

So logically, let's look at the "what ifs:" 1) I'm kept safe by His Hand through which He will grow me and others for His glory, 2) Hardship is allowed in my life through which He will grow me and others for His glory, 3) I'm allowed to die through which He will grow others for His glory. None of those is a bad thing. In choice #1, I'm ok. In choice #2, I have the assurance that He'll be there with me and that He has a purpose for everything that happens. And in choice #3, I'm in heaven. Woohoo! :)

I guess my biggest "thing" is that you have those three options no matter who you are or where or when you live (well, except for #3 - not everyone is sure that they would go to heaven). So even if I still lived in Laurel, MD, those three options would be pretty much the only ones I'd have. If I lived in Baghdad, Iraq, it'd be the same three.

Anyway, I'm kinda rambling today. We'll be having another meeting in about 45 minutes. I think its purpose is for each of us to tell the rest of the team what we think we're supposed to do at this juncture, but I'm still not sure how much say we'll have over when we go back or how long we can stay. I'll let you know what happens.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is Mr C speaking

Take this hanky and blow kido and then listen to me. Unless I'm reading your log wrong today, I honestly beleive you're looking at only 1 puzzle piece. You. You're trying to sound like Paul (you know...the prolific writer of the NT...). He wined also when he couldn't go where he wanted to go. Some nonsense about a dude with firey swords or something like that.

Take this into consideration. You've already done what God has asked you to. The job is complete. You've tried to make lives better for the kids by rebuilding schools against all odds. You've presented a clear life testimony to the adults. Seeds are planted. You've touched the lives of service men and women at a time when they needed God and fellowship most.

So add situation #4 to your list. It's time to move on. Maybe, just maybe, God is working on moving you to the next assignment. Or maybe he needs you to do a side trip while things in Baghdad cool down. Or maybe he wants you to take a time out to take care of yourself; body, mind, and soul.

God is always in the process of moving us from point A to point Z and it's not always a pleasant cruise. In my own life, those movements have been during the most painful periods. They were periods of preparation, forced reflection or attitude adjustment. God is in control nonetheless. And God is having His way in His time. Remember how you wanted to go to Africa? Do great things there? You missed by a few global degrees.

Pray for His will and His plan not for your shopping list. He will bless you with His plans for you. Mom Nea and I still pray for you often and will pray for God's plan to be revealed to you. Hang tough. Your crowns are stacking up so tall, you'll need Ben Gay for your back after laying them at His feet. ;>)

Love ya,
Mr C.